Being apart ain't easy on this love affair

As of today, November 26, Blake has been away from home on temporary assignments for 101 days of this calendar year. He's had short trips to Okinawa and Sasebo, both in Japan. Another short trip took him to Guam, and I was able to join him for the weekend after, which was really nice. His longest assignment was for a few months to South Korea, so we essentially lived in separate countries for some time. I was able to take three different trips to visit him while he was there, which was a great blessing and I've come to really enjoy and know Seoul more than I ever planned to, even after two trips there last year.

We tend not to broadcast that he's away during those times. I live in a secure place (a foreign military base is a well guarded gated community), but we still don't like to make a big deal of my being alone. Our ward and command and families know, so that we can both receive support, and we generally don't keep it a secret from anyone else if it comes up, but who we tell what information to is related to both Operational Security (OPSEC) and Personal Security (PERSEC). Even I don't get to know everything every time for those reasons.

It's fortunate that Blake's job isn't so secretive that I can't know anything. I know of families whose military member just disappears sometimes to do their jobs and know one knows where they are or when they will return and certainly not what they are doing. I know of marriages that have ended because of it. Comparatively, I know quite a lot about Blake's comings and goings and we can prepare for our separations.

For most of his time away so far, we've been able to talk regularly, usually daily, at least via text messages if not via phone or video chat. We can orchestrate playing games together online and or simultaneous viewings of streaming movies or tv shows. During one night while he was in Korea, we even went to the movie theaters on our respective bases and saw the same movie and had the same dinner (thank you chain restaurants). so it was almost as good as an in person date, just with less hand holding. We keep up with our family scripture study schedule and keep each other as informed as OPSEC will allow about what we're up to each day, just as we would if he were home, so that we can stay involved in each other's lives.

Genesis 31:49 - I commissioned this from an Etsy seller who makes custom dog tags. When he realized what it was for and that we were a Navy family, he included two chains and thanked us for our service. Blake wears his with his regular dog tags.

I believe in some ways I was prepared for this - I lived alone for more than three years before we got married, so I am very comfortable doing so when the Navy requires it. I'm independent and self-sufficient, possibly to a fault, so I know I can handle things while he is away.

That's not to say it isn't hard sometimes. It definitely is. We miss each other like crazy. But we make it work and the times we are together are that much sweeter.

For assignments that require him to work on a ship, he wears a silicone ring, so I wear his titanium one.

Today, Blake left for what could be his longest assignment to date. It's an incredible learning opportunity, for both us really, and one we've been aware of for over a year. Even when it wasn't an entirely sure thing, we've prepared and readied ourselves to be apart for awhile. We're going to miss to each other, as we always do, but we know this what we need to do right now. Our command, families, ward, and friends are all very supportive and this is going to be worth it.

A gift from Blake to me

This is what we signed up for when we joined the Navy. Blake is the one who wears the uniform, but we're both in this together. We didn't know the full extent of it, but we're learning and looking forward to wherever this adventure takes us!

Divide and conquer and conquer, listen

I've posted a few times about chores over the years, both how lame they are to do alone (since I lived alone for almost four years before getting married) and how much I appreciate having a chore partner to help keep it all manageable now. Of course, being a military wife, I get several opportunities to do them all alone again, but at least during those times Blake is away I have only half the laundry and half the dining dishes now. And a dishwasher, which I didn't have in my solo hobbit hole of an apartment.

We've had to reorganize how we divide and conquer in regards to household tasks over the years. Shortly after we first got married, I was working starting early in the morning and Blake had evening classes some nights, so our schedules were opposite. We had a chore chart to help us remember it all. For example, Blake would make breakfast in the morning and I did dinner at night. Our laundry was in the basement of our building, so Blake would haul it up and down the stairs and wash it all before he left for school and I'd fold it while he was gone to class. I'd do bathrooms; he'd do floors.

Adding Malcolm added walk schedules and other dog duties. Human children bring similar changes. On the plus side, Malcolm is no longer afraid of the vacuum, so that chore is much less of a production than it used to be.

Moving to Japan, where Blake leaves for work early in the morning and I tend to do as I please, everything has changed again. I've willingly volunteered to take over most of the chores, since I have way more time, though I do tend to leave the garbage for Blake to take out. We both pitch in on dishes when possible, since it goes a lot faster with two people - same with laundry folding. Today, I folded clothes for the better part of the afternoon because we've both been lazy about it for almost two weeks. (I can give you the two week estimate because our Halloween shirts were in there.) Blake has probably still never had to clean a toilet in our entire marriage, though he did clean one by choice yesterday, since I declared randomly that I'd had enough of my own laziness and they needed it. I cleaned one and by the time I got to the other Blake was already on it, which was incredibly kind of him. Really, my inability to stay on top of chores lately is not entirely laziness, but more on that tomorrow.

Also, we've outsourced our vacuuming to the USS MARVIN, our new robot vacuum. It runs every night in the main room while we're in bed and in the back half of the apartment when I remember to set it up and it has made a gigantic difference in our house of all tile floors and a black, hairy dog. Every night before bed, Blake and I do a FOD walk and I empty the vacuum so that it's ready to go again.

Ultimately, we divide chores based on aptitude and interest and time, not at all on any gender roles or anything else. It works for us. We're constantly renegotiating them (e.g. "If you take Malcolm out right now, I'll start on dishes." or "Let's take Malcolm out together, then do the dishes together."), as we both think is healthy and necessary.

But what we can't do? Convince Malcolm to do his share. It's his toys we're picking up during the FOD walk and his hair that Marvin is picking up and his poops we clean up on all the walks we have to take him on. He's a punk. An adorable, furry punk and we will keep him around anyway.

How do you divide chores in your house?

How does she know you love her?

Tonight, Blake and I were invited to speak to the 12-18 year olds from church at their weekly mid-week activity. Our subject was dating and relationships, so we were asked to share our story and any thoughts we had on dating and then answer questions that the youth had submitted anonymously. In case you don’t know our story, you can find it starting here. We were asked because we are fun, or at least that’s what we were told. I’d like to think we are, though we have been out of the dating game for more than six years now and haven’t been the average age of the teenagers in attendance for about 20, so hopefully our story and things we’ve learned were of some value.

The questions that were asked were pretty good actually: How can I tell if a girl/guy likes/doesn’t like me? How did know this person was the one? What should I say to a girl?

Between us, the adult leaders, and the youth, we had a productive discussion on it all. The suggested dating age in our church is 16, and most of the youth in attendance tonight are under 16, so we also likened most of our advice or thoughts to just building relationships and friendships of all kinds.

The thing about dating advice, and even all advice really, is that it’s never one size fits all. There are some good, General principles we can all put into practice, but its application can still vary from person to person and, when it comes to dating and marriage, from relationship to relationship. Some of the best advice I got before getting married, which tends to be what I pass on to newly engaged couples, is to take all advice with a grain of salt, including this!

Hopefully we communicated that in some part to this group. I didn’t want it to be the first or any part of a series of “you should date and get married and have lots of babies immediately” discussions that can happen all to frequently in our religious culture. I know I was sick of them after 12 years of dating, and 16 years since becoming a “youth”, before I met and married Blake. I even walked out of at least one of those discussions when I saw that topic written on the board when I went into the room. It was after a particularly bad breakup, and I don’t feel bad about it for a second.

Dating is stressful sometimes, but it can also be fun. I hope these kids can figure that out for themselves when the time is right!

On the way home, we stopped at a recently opened Carl’s Jr. just outside of the main base. Due to a series of unappealing ads and even some that were downright sexist, I haven’t eaten at a Carl’s Jr. in years. (I also haven’t lived near one in well over a decade, but that’s besides the point.) Still, I can’t deny the opportunity for a good burger (somewhat elusive in Japan) and, particularly, a nice, thick ice cream shake, even if Blake ended up drinking most of it. At least I know they’re there AND tasty for future reference.

We got home much later than usual for a weeknight, but I think it was worth it.

Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby this evenin'

For some reason or another, every time Blake and I have planned a trip to Hakone, a mountain town southwest of Tokyo well known for its volcanic hot springs resorts and views of Mount Fuji and only a couple of hours away from us, something has come up and we've had to cancel. We kept hearing of friends' adventures there and seeing beautiful photos and just never making it ourselves.

Just walking around the town is charming!

Until this weekend! We finally made it! We could make it one long day trip, but that would mean close to five or six hours on trains and buses just getting there and back, not to mention any travel around. We chose to make it a little more relaxing of a getaway and did the long trip out there Friday after work and stayed the night at a hotel to rest up before a day of exploring. We found a nice western-style hotel with an onsen, instead a more pricey (but definitely worth the experience when you're in Japan) traditional Japanese inn or ryokan. I took advantage of the onsen before bed for even more relaxation, and we both enjoyed the breakfast provided in the morning.

One night away from home and we accidentally pack the same shirt (our family reunion shirt from when Blake's entire family came to visit us this summer). Luckily, we both wore hoodies most of the day.

The first few hours of our day seemed like just going from one mode of transportation to another, but the variety of transportation methods and the lovely views of the fall leaves in the Hakone National Park were the point. The joy is in the journey, after all.

Our first stop was Hakone Shrine and the gorgeous torii gate submerged into Lake Ashi, a volcanic crater lake.

Then, even though it hadn't been high on our priority list, we took a reproduction pirate cruise ship north on Lake Ashi. It was included in our Hakone Free Pass, a pass we decided to buy at the last minute that covered most bus routes and all the other transportation we took plus discounts or entry at a variety of other places in the area that was well worth the money, and it was going from where we were to where we wanted to be for the next leg of our adventure, so why not? It was a lovely little cruise with excellent leaf peeping opportunities. On clearer days, we would have seen Mount Fuji.

The ship Victory

The same torii gate from earlier!

It dropped us off at the beginning station of the Hakone Ropeway, which we took all the way to the end and then took a cable car.

We stopped at Owakudani, a volcanic valley with active sulphur vents, including a new one from a small eruption in 2015. Here, you can eat black eggs that have been boiled in the sulphuric water. Each one you eat is said to add seven years to your life!

After lunch at a Ninja Cafe, where the staff were dressed as ninjas, we headed to Yunessun, which was conveniently only a few minutes by bus from the end of the cable car line we had just chosen to take to the end and go from there. It's almost like I planned that! (Maybe part of me knew this, but I did surprisingly little advanced planning for this trip. I knew what we wanted to do and kind of where stuff was, but we figured out the travel parts as we went.)

Yunessun is basically a onsen themed water park. There is a traditional onsen portion, though we skipped that this time, but the main attraction is the family friendly, bathing suit area with a variety of different themed baths. We tried just about all of them! It was a chilly day, so relaxing in a warm bath was just what we needed. Besides the ones pictured below, we tried a few different tea baths, one in a cave with an aquarium of jellyfish, and more!

Coffee bath (sorry about the water on the lens)

Sake!

Wine - This one was probably our favorite. Fun color and nice temperature, so we started and ended our bath exploration here.

Then, though there were many other attractions in the region that we could spend days locating and enjoying, we decided that we would also be well served by not completely exhausting ourselves and heading home in time for dinner (which we picked up on the way).

It was a great day and we're so glad we finally made it! Hopefully, we can go back and see some of the things we missed!

We could've gone all the way to the Great Wall of China

Going to China over our 5th anniversary was more happenstance than the plan - the schedule just worked out that way. When we first got married, I think I said something about maybe going back to the hotel in San Diego where we spent our honeymoon for our 5th. China was way better!

Our anniversary was on Monday this year, and we spent the morning at the Summer Palace. It’s a gorgeous and huge property, with a large man-made lake in the middle. It’s probably nicer in the summer, but still neat to see year-round. In fact, it was one of several places we saw on our trip with people doing morning exercise on the grounds. In this case, at least a couple of older men were doing tai chi in a sun warmed spot.

The Bronze Ox is keeping watch over the palace

Seventeen Arch Bridge

We elected not to explore the whole area, just so we’d have more time to explore our afternoon destination - The Great Wall! On the way, we stopped at a jade market to learn more about jade carving and found a perfect anniversary gift to ourselves.

Jade carving

Process of carving a Happy Family Ball

This photo doesn't do it justice, but we purchased a Happy Family Ball - The outer ball is a dragon (the husband) and a phoenix (the wife) wrapped around and protecting the inner balls (the generations yet to come). We wanted something with a dragon and phoenix for our anniversary from this trip, and finding this on the actual day was perfect.

Lunch was at a place at the base of the mountain with a view of the Great Wall! The food was alright, but that view was particularly neat! Some friends of ours who had previously been posted in Beijing with the State Department recommend we go to the Mutianyu section (there are several to choose from), which they said had better views and fewer people. Apparently it’s also our guide’s favorite section and he’d never had anyone request it before. Now that we’ve been there, we absolutely agree that it's the place to be!

There aren’t as many domestic tourists that come to this section and there were times we almost felt like we were alone on this wall.

We took a chair lift to the wall itself (though you can just hike up), and then hiked as many sections as we had time for. Some were practically ladders you had climb up! I bum-scooted back down that one and a kind fellow tourist looked at me, then back to Blake skeptically, and then asked if I wanted to hold onto his arm on the way, probably wondering why Blake wasn’t helping. I thanked him but just said it’s because I have short legs and it was easier this way. I promise Blake is a good helper and excellent husband!

Ultimately, we walked about 3 miles around the Wall and my Fitbit logged 91 flights of stairs this day!

As incredible as the Wall in the Mutianyu section is, it was almost as incredible to get down - by toboggan! We each took a sled 1.5km down the mountain, a ride that actually takes a few minutes! I learned about it after we had already chosen this section and our guide suggested it as well. You do have a handbrake to control your speed, and the slope is gentle. Definitely the way to go!

A little cold, but so worth it!

All told, this was probably the highlight of our whole Beijing leg of this trip. Such an amazing experience!

Dinner that night was Peking duck, beef, and vegetables. Lots more vegetables served with meals in China than in Japan, which we appreciate.

Duck on a duck shaped plate

Carving the duck

Here’s to five years of wedded bliss with an eternity to go!

Blake had try the Pepsi Blue, once available in the US, but now only in Indonesia and, apparently, in the Carrefour in Beijing. I tried the Green Apple Mirinda.

On a sea of love and a thankful heart

I really have so much to be thankful for today. After a few years of doing a quiet Thanksgiving with just the two of us and then last year joining some friends, we finally hosted Thanksgiving dinner for the first time. We kept it relatively small so that we didn't overwhelm ourselves with people, but it felt like we still managed to cook or prep for most of the 24 hours leading up to dinner and I've lost track of how many times we ran the dishwasher, but it was worth it! We had a great meal and a great time. And we got to use our new plates!

It's been a really interesting year. There have been some downs, but a lot of ups and so many adventures. I'm grateful to be able to share it with Blake and Malcolm and the many friends we've made here, some who feel more like family now. I never would have predicted that I would end up living the life I am. It's more amazing than I even dreamed and I feel like it's just going to get better.

I made enough food to feed everyone and all our guests brought at least two more dishes each. There was a LOT of food and it was all amazing. Except the potatoes, which I somehow screwed up. Oh well!

Pinterest worthy? Meh. But just right anyway.

Virginia is allergic to poultry, so she didn't get any, and Malcolm didn't get any out of solidarity, but they still hung out under the table for much of the meal.

Malcolm love attacks one of our guests. They had a nice snuggle after this. 

This isn't to say that there won't be hard times, but I have 100% success rate of getting through those before - I can get through whatever is next.

Life is good, friends. Life is really, really good.

I told them I don't work at Costco or Sam's Club

Back in DC, Blake and I loved our Costco dates. We'd stock up on dog food or flour or whatever, try samples, and top it off with a cheap hot dog and some Pepsi. The Costco south of us, with better parking than the one to the north, also had fries and we'd split an order. Sometimes we would even splurge on some frozen yogurt. Tasty, simple, and inexpensive. My grandparents frequently enjoyed Costco dates themselves, even after almost 60 years of marriage. So, we're just following their excellent example.

Unfortunately, without a car, Costco has become less of a routine for us. We decided that the only thing we need from there while we live here is dog food (which would be inconvenient on the train no matter where we get it), and a Costco-sized bag lasts about five weeks. So, every 5-10 weeks, I get to ask a friend for a ride (or just ask them to pick it up for me). Occasionally, a friend going there will ask me if I need anything, saving me the trouble. If I go with them, I get a couple hours of friend time, a couple of bags of dog food, and whatever else happens to appeal to me while we're there. I went about two weeks ago with a friend and got three bags of food, so we're probably good until at least January.

But because I always run this errand while Blake is at work, he hadn't been. It's his Costco membership I married into (though I got my own card eventually), and it used to be his primary source of dinner when he was living on peanuts and had one practically in his backyard, so he actually kind of missed it. So, with a day off for Veteran's Day, we made Costco our adventure today to pick up our photos for our Christmas cards (which look awesome), have a hot dog, and really explore what Japanese Costco has to offer.

Costco cafe - the matcha ice cream is new. Oh hey, I'm in this photo. Blake took it, and I honestly just noticed my presence.

Sesame seeds!

Instead of a chicken alfredo bake, we have a bulgogi bake.

Everyone at the cafe just lines their carts up so neatly.

The grooves in the wheels lock the cart in place on the escalator treads.

Better than any grocery store sushi you'd find in the States, especially for only $25.

Curry pan!

Filled pancakes! I should try these.

A Costco-sized tub of miso for soup

Miso soup mix

Nori (seaweed)

So much nori

Our nieces really like this dried ramen snack. This was quite a lot of it.

The escalator up to parking.

Since we went by ourselves, we took the train, which allowed us to try a new to us line, which just added to the fun today. The other two lines we take the most (Keikyu and JR) also have mascots and the occasional themed train or promotional items, but this line (Kanazawa Seaside Line) had way more!

Drinks, snacks, promotional items

Train pass card holder, available in the vending machine.

Drinks and snacks

Themed water bottle

At the stop for an aquarium and amusement park

A little community library. The sign reads: "These are everyone's books. Read them and return them when you are done. If there are books you don't need you can place them here."

All in all, a rather simple adventure date, but an adventure nonetheless. And just like our other more traditional adventures, I picked up a Seaside Line keychain at the train station office!

Elevated train = lovely view