Families can be together forever

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

I believe that this mortal life is not all there is. I believe that we lived in a spiritual form before we were born and that we will live in a spiritual form again after we die until the resurrection when our spirit and body will be reunited in a perfect form forever. I believe that we have opportunities to live and grow and learn in this life and that we will have to chance to continue and progress beyond this life as well.

I believe because of those beliefs about life before and after this one that the relationships we have now may have existed in the existence before this and have the potential to continue after this one as well, especially marriages and families that are solemnized in temples for time and all eternity.

This belief is one of the great comforts of the gospel - that we will see those who pass on before us again and that death is only a temporary separation. That's not to say it's easy to lose those we love or that we can't be sad or grieve their loss, but that it can give some additional perspective to that loss and help, eventually, ease its pain. While some deaths can be a relief, such as the end of long and/or painful illness, others are still incredibly difficult, particularly anyone who dies before it is expected.

Of course, the closer we are to someone, the harder it can be to lose them, no matter the circumstances. Two of my friends (and their families) are going through one of the most challenging losses I anticipate anyone having to go through - the loss of a parent, particularly in a quick and unexpected way. These friends are close to my age and the parents close to the age of mine. One lost their mother, the other their father, and both due to sudden and relatively short illness. While it's not a loss I fully understand yet, and hope I don't anytime soon, I am still very sad for them and their families and their surviving spouses. And I'm sad for myself, because I know these parents that my friends have lost too, and they will be missed.

My friends believe as I do, but I know that they are hurting anyway and are sad not just for themselves, but for their young children who have lost a grandparent. Even when we believe we will see them again, we are sad for the lost potential of what could have been if we'd had more time here.

There is a lot more to Heavenly Father's plan for us than I can ever adequately explain here. You can learn more at this site, but I'm also happy to answer any questions anyone might have. I am grateful for the peace and perspective it gives me in all aspects of life and, in this particular case, look forward to seeing my loved ones again.

Grandpa P, who passed away in 2016. Shortly after I moved to Japan later that year, I realized he wasn't around anymore and didn't know we got to live in Japan. Immediately, I thought, "He knows." And I believe that's true - that he knows, loves me, and is proud of me and Blake and our little family.

Oh what songs of the heart we will sing all the day

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

I've mentioned before that I frequently hold music related callings (assignments) at church. I've also written more about callings here and here. I actually avoided it for the first year I lived in Japan had worked as activity leader for the girls ages 8-11 and then as a counselor in the presidency of the women's ministry (Relief Society). But when I realized our congregational music chair was leaving soon, I had a feeling I'd be asked to accept that assignment, and I was right. Then, a few months ago, our choir director was needed elsewhere and I asked if I would be willing to do that assignment as part of my music chair responsibilities and I agreed

I really don't mind these particular jobs. I enjoy music immensely and feel that its presence in our worship services is invaluable. I've done them before, but there is always still more to learn. And! I realized today our little ward choir music library is really just an unorganized IKEA bag of binders and stacks of  music, so you better believe I will be putting the knowledge I've gained from the two Masters degrees I have (musicology and library sciences) specifically with the goal of organizing music as a music librarian to work soon.

Today was a particularly involved musical day. Lots of people were out due to travel (it's a three day weekend, since we're an American base even in Japan, thank you veterans) or illness, plus I keep forgetting my choir accompanist moved, so I was pretty busy for two of the three hours of church and the hour before for choir practice. Blake helped me copy and collate the Christmas song we started in choir today. Choir was more of a soprano sectional (no altos or men), and I had to play the piano and teach/lead the music - which was actually still productive. Then, even though it's not my month, I led the music in our general worship service (Sacrament meeting), since this month's conductor was away for a volleyball tournament. The Sunday school class we attended did not have any music - this time, but I spent the last hour of church in the children's Sunday school (Primary) subbing as the music leader (who was traveling) and playing Battleship (the ships were songs the children are learning).

Props to Jessica, our usual Primary music leader

Truthfully, it was probably one of the better Sundays I have had at church recently. I felt the spirit, sang and learned of Jesus, and had fun!

The rest of Sunday hasn't been too bad either. We took a too long nap, went to the dog park, and then made okonomiyaki (savory Japanese pancakes) for dinner.

Afterward, Blake and I played Forbidden Island and won by the skin of our teeth.

I love Sundays! And music! And spending time with Blake!

How does she know you love her?

Tonight, Blake and I were invited to speak to the 12-18 year olds from church at their weekly mid-week activity. Our subject was dating and relationships, so we were asked to share our story and any thoughts we had on dating and then answer questions that the youth had submitted anonymously. In case you don’t know our story, you can find it starting here. We were asked because we are fun, or at least that’s what we were told. I’d like to think we are, though we have been out of the dating game for more than six years now and haven’t been the average age of the teenagers in attendance for about 20, so hopefully our story and things we’ve learned were of some value.

The questions that were asked were pretty good actually: How can I tell if a girl/guy likes/doesn’t like me? How did know this person was the one? What should I say to a girl?

Between us, the adult leaders, and the youth, we had a productive discussion on it all. The suggested dating age in our church is 16, and most of the youth in attendance tonight are under 16, so we also likened most of our advice or thoughts to just building relationships and friendships of all kinds.

The thing about dating advice, and even all advice really, is that it’s never one size fits all. There are some good, General principles we can all put into practice, but its application can still vary from person to person and, when it comes to dating and marriage, from relationship to relationship. Some of the best advice I got before getting married, which tends to be what I pass on to newly engaged couples, is to take all advice with a grain of salt, including this!

Hopefully we communicated that in some part to this group. I didn’t want it to be the first or any part of a series of “you should date and get married and have lots of babies immediately” discussions that can happen all to frequently in our religious culture. I know I was sick of them after 12 years of dating, and 16 years since becoming a “youth”, before I met and married Blake. I even walked out of at least one of those discussions when I saw that topic written on the board when I went into the room. It was after a particularly bad breakup, and I don’t feel bad about it for a second.

Dating is stressful sometimes, but it can also be fun. I hope these kids can figure that out for themselves when the time is right!

On the way home, we stopped at a recently opened Carl’s Jr. just outside of the main base. Due to a series of unappealing ads and even some that were downright sexist, I haven’t eaten at a Carl’s Jr. in years. (I also haven’t lived near one in well over a decade, but that’s besides the point.) Still, I can’t deny the opportunity for a good burger (somewhat elusive in Japan) and, particularly, a nice, thick ice cream shake, even if Blake ended up drinking most of it. At least I know they’re there AND tasty for future reference.

We got home much later than usual for a weeknight, but I think it was worth it.

Another hundred people just got off of the train

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

When I was in London on study abroad, our group was split up between several area congregations (ward) so as not to overwhelm one with 40 of us. My assignment was in a ward that was an hour and a half away from where we were staying and involved at least two trains and a bus. I had been asked to teach a youth Sunday School class, so I frequently used that time to plan my lessons. It was only for about seven weeks, so it wasn't a terrible inconvenience for long.

For the last two years in Japan, we've been taking the train to church again. Two trains again, but no bus. If we leave our house at exactly 15 minutes after the hour (45 minutes before services start), we arrive about 10 minutes early, which is, in our opinion, right on time. 

Last week, we had almost two hours on multiple trains each way to attend stake (multiple congregations in a larger geographical area) conference. Frequently, they broadcast the meeting to our individual buildings, but sometimes we are requested to gather in person for additional fellowship.

By contrast, while I was growing up in both Utah and Texas, church was rarely more than a five minute drive for regular meetings, sometimes 30 minutes for stake meetings. As an adult in Virginia, maybe it's been closer to 15 minutes. So, 40 minutes or more one way each week has been adjustment, but since attending our church meetings has been a top priority in our marriage, we've made it work. 

Sometimes I miss the easy commute, but I enjoy the time with Blake, talking about our church meetings, or family stuff, or even brainstorming what's going to be fastest to make for lunch we when we get home. Sometimes it's the only train ride(s) we get together all week.  

Of course, church is more than just a weekly meeting. Church should be everywhere all the time, and I really appreciate this relatively new video form our church about that.

Everyday, it's a gettin' closer,

Hi friends. It's been a minute. I started off the year strong and then . . . well, nothing. Nothing for months. I'm sorry about that. I honestly don't have a great excuse - I've just been out of the habit.

I know one challenge is that I don't have a typical schedule. There is almost nothing predictable about my schedule most weeks. Sometimes I have classes or rehearsals, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have an extra dog to care for. Sometimes I don't. No 9 to 5 job for two years now. Every day is a little different.

I've tried to come up with routines and schedule my days to actually get things done and use all this time and flexibility I have to do as I please and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. I'm a big fan of my life right now and I actually do get a lot of things done and have great adventures, so I don't really regret my inability to consistently do ALL of the things AND keep a good record of it. There is always more I could be doing, sure, but as long as I'm doing something, it's better than nothing.

I really enjoyed a talk from the most recent General Conference of the The Church of the Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints titled "Divine Discontent", which outlines the different between divine discontent and paralyzing discouragement. Divine discontent, an inspired feeling of the need to do more, can lead us to action, doing good, and come closer to Christ. Paralyzing discouragement does the opposite - convinces us there is no point to even trying, it won't make a difference and we'll never get any better. I've certainly experienced that kind of discouragement, but I also certainly prefer the divine discontent.

As Gordon B. Hinckley said, we should "go with determination to try a little harder to be a little better." That's what I'm going to do. It's NaBloPoMo season, and I haven't missed one yet, so I'm going to try and get back in the groove. Again. I'll try to talk about current events, adventures of the last year, and life in Japan updates. Life is good!

Malcolm napping today. He's a weirdo.

You only see him when you're very young, a magical adventure for you!

Between the holidays and travels and life, I haven't been on a good solo adventure for a little bit. I am quite pleased with opportunities for outings with friends and of course I savor the time I get to spend with Blake, but I also need to do things on my own sometimes. I'm an introvert, after all, and solo time is how I recharge. So, today, I got out on my own for the afternoon and found Fushimi Hakuseki Inari Shrine.

I first found out about this shrine from a local blog I follow call Deep Yokosuka, and they suggested it might be a place you would find Totoro. Since I've finally seen that movie and now that I've been there, I can completely agree with that connection (and have titled this post with a lyric from the movie's English version theme song)!

The back side of the first section - inscribed with who donated the gate and when

According to another source I used to locate the actual shrine, Fushimi Hakuseki Inari Shrine is related to the more famous Fushimi Inari Shrine in Kyoto, which we visited over Memorial Day weekend in 2017 (and I failed to blog about) and is known for its 1000s of vermillion torii gates. They both are built in reverence to the deity Inari, the Shinto god of rice.

Foxes are said to be messengers to Inari

This shrine is located near the Taura station in Yokosuka, which is much closer to me than Kyoto! Even though it was reportedly built early in the Showa period (1926-1989), it is still in use today by locals.

My sources warned of its many stairs, and I got warm hiking them even on a cool January day. According to my Fitbit, I climbed the equivalent of 23 flights of stairs to get to the top. It had rained yesterday, so it was pretty slick and maybe I should have brought my hiking boots or walking stick, but I managed.

Ultimately, I counted that I walked through 56 torii gates, which are believed to purify your soul. What's charming about this one was that even though it's not even a century old yet, it's certainly in more disrepair and overgrown than it's more famous Kyoto counterpart. To me, it just added to the magic.

Looking from the top back down the trail - you can see it curve off to the right through the trees

Even though I took my time, I was up and down in a little more than 30 minutes, but the walk to and from the station is about 20 minutes each way. Not a bad walk, but I definitely recommend carrying water.

It was a small outing, but just what I needed today.

The milk flavored ice cream I got on the way home was pretty good too

Everybody was kung fu fighting!

At some point while we planned our China trip, we learned about visa-free travel - if you’re on the mainland for less than 72 hours and coming from one country but leaving to another (essentially making China a long layover), you don’t have to get a visa. So we thought we might do that and go to Chengdu and then visit Taiwan or Hong Kong (technically part of China, but not for visa purposes) as well. But considering we’d be pushing it close to those 72 hours and then something might go wrong and keep us longer, we decided to pay the money to get visas. And then, since we were spending that money, we might as well make it worth it and stay on the mainland for the duration of our trip. If we never make it back, we figured Beijing would the best and most interesting city to visit in addition to Chengdu. So, we took our ideas and wishes to the on base travel agency and asked what they might be able to do for us. They quoted us a price that would let us do everything we wanted to do (including a few customizations), stay in a nice hotel, provide us with a driver and English speaking tour guide in Beijing, AND take care of all the visa work (instead of both of us traveling to and from the Chinese embassy in Tokyo at least twice) for around the amount we had budgeted for this trip. Could we have done our own travel and itinerary for less than that? Maybe? We do enjoying planning our own adventures, but considering how foreign and difficult it can be in China, we decided it was absolutely worth the convenience cost. Now that we’ve completed our trip, we still do not regret it. It really helped it feel even more like a vacation to let someone else take care of the details before and during our trip!

Our driver met us in the airport in Beijing, but our guide had been delayed, so we picked him up on the way to the hotel. He spoke great English, was very knowledgeable, and quite thoughtful and kind. We all got along very well and both the driver and the guide made our trip a breeze. We would have been a lot more tired and stressed if we had also been navigating or trying to decide on food. As such, we sat back and enjoyed a more relaxing sort of adventure. They dropped us off at our hotel and we chose to visit one of the hotel restaurants for dinner.
Breakfast was provided at the hotel each morning and featured a variety of local and Western foods.

Our first dinner in Beijing

Sunday morning, we had already decided that we wanted the experience of attending church on mainland China. We don’t usually go out of our way to attend church when we are traveling - it depends on how far away it is, how long we are in the area, how easily we can get there, etc. We like to attend at least the first hour (Sacrament) if we can, but don’t stress about it if it’s going to be much trouble. However, we decided that for this trip it would be interesting to attend church in a country that only recently, and partially, opened up to a freedom of religious beliefs, so we asked the travel agency if we could work it in. A English-speaking, international expat branch meets rather conveniently to the center of the city and, even though we didn’t ask for a specific amount of time, they scheduled the whole morning for it and we got to attend all three hours.

It was a lovely meeting, the lessons and discussions were both interesting and uplifting, and it was a great start to our day. At the very beginning of the meeting, they read a letter about how we must conduct ourselves in China - no interaction with Chinese national members of the church and no proselyting actively or passively to non-members. So, we had to be vague and general when our guide asked about our time at church, but that’s okay. Hopefully, this will help build the relationship of trust that will allow for future opportunities to be more open in that country.

After church, we went to lunch - our guide would order our meals (included in our plan) and then let us eat on our own. This lunch was a soup, peppered beef, sweet and sour pork, vegetables, and watermelon. Quite good!

Then, we went to a silk market. The Chinese have a long history of handicrafts and traditional arts - maybe even one of the longest continuing traditions in the world as it’s such a big country that has seen very little turmoil compared to others. They are making efforts to preserve these traditions despite the changing world around them and this was the first of several stops we made in Beijing to learn about this cultural arts. Here, I picked up a scarf and Blake a tie.

Silk fabric demonstration

Silk mattress demonstration

Following this, we went to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City, seat of the Imperial Chinese Dragon Emperor from the Ming Dynasty through the Qing Dynasty, and only opened after the last Emperor’s death. I wrote a paper once - a short story - about the events in Tiananmen Square, but I can’t remember which class or grade I was in or even the contents of my story - just that it existed. It was still interesting to be there and the grounds of the palace, one the largest in on the world, were exquisite.

Then, we went to a tea shop and participated in a tea ceremony and tasting. We jointly agreed that the fruit tea was our favorite. You can even eat the fruit after brewing your tea!

Dinner that night was McDonald’s, due to time. But we made it worth it and got food we would only be able to find in China! Blake got a chicken with chili sandwich on black bun and I got a taco burger, complete with tortilla chips.

The reason we ate when/where we did was so we could get to our evening’s entertainment - a kung fu show! It was great fun, super high energy, and we really enjoyed it.

I got to take a picture with the cast because I had purchased a keychain. Blake was expressly not permitted to join me, so he was the photographer.

Ultimately, Sunday was our longest and most full day, but quite good. Next time - how we celebrated our actual anniversary!

Remember me, though I have to say goodbye

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

I am pleased to say that on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, after our (mis)adventure in Kamakura, I spent some time learning about indexing through familysearch.org, per my goal to find a way to keep my sights on the temple even when I can't attend. I did the tutorial and then indexed my first batch - a page from the US, New York, New York - Death Index, 1880-1956. I've done a lot of data entry in my career as a librarian and this program is set up to be really user friendly, so it was all pretty easy to figure out.

Even though it wasn't my own family history I was working on, I imagined that I was being helpful to someone out there. This index had death dates and cities, as well as the death certificate number, which if they could use that to find the actual death certificate they would probably find even more information. OCR (optical character recognition) has come a long way, so it's possible just having a photo of this index would be useful, but an indexed page even more so.  The batch I worked on didn't take long, and I definitely anticipate doing more!

On Saturday, with this project on my mind, Blake and I went to see the latest Pixar film - Coco - a story about a Mexican boy who learns a lot about his family on the Day of the Dead, even traveling to the Land of the Dead. So many elements of the story - multi-generational family, music, deteriorating mental health in old age, healing, honoring family who have passed, second chances (even after death) - were woven in such a beautiful way that I was crying by the end, even with parts that were relatively predictable. I think it's right there with Up for my favorite Pixar film, and even already one of my favorite movies ever. It's so well done!

And then, this morning, while it was Saturday evening back at home, I was able to FaceTime with my grandmother at the start of the party they were having for her 80th birthday. After I talked to her, my dad took me around the party to say hi to a few people and see some of the amazing quilts that my grandmother had made (not an exhaustive collection, if only because I have a few here in Japan) as well as the top of one that my mother had made for her out of squares she had commissioned from the family. They had it set up at the party so everyone could work on the actual quilting of it. My dad promised to sew a stitch for me.

Many people made their own quilt squares, but due to distance/time/skill, I just designed one, ordered the fabric, and commissioned it from my mother. It's the pink and green crossword puzzle one shown here. The green fabric has thimbles on it - Grandma collects them and I've helped a lot on all my travels - and she and Grandpa (while he was alive) loved doing crossword puzzles. It was helping them on one that earned me one of their nicknames for me.

Even being 7000 miles away from my family of origin, I've had a lot of opportunity to think about them and connect with them these last few days. I'm so glad to know where I come from and find ways to relate to the experiences of those who have come before me. Hopefully, I can get back into the habit of family history research and keep finding out even more!

Our shadow by day and our pillar by night

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

I have made it no secret that I love the temple. It has been my tradition since 2007 to attend the temple on the day after Thanksgiving. I’m not into Black Friday shopping and going to the temple feels like an appropriate way to continue giving thanks to Heavenly Father. Thus far, I think I have a perfect attendance record on this goal and have attended the temple after Thanksgiving in Louisville, Manhattan, Washington, D.C., and Tokyo.

Unfortunately, the Tokyo temple closed at the end of September for at least two years for renovations. I don’t think it will be open again during this tour of duty for us. The next closest temple(s) are more than 800 miles away from us in either Fukuoka or Sapporo. They aren’t impossible to get to, just more challenging. This announcement was made several months ago, so I have had some time to adjust to the idea of not having a temple so easily accessible on a regular basis, but I do already miss it.

I also miss the curry from the temple cafeteria, but that’s a different story.

Fortunately, it’s given me some time to ponder how I can still be a temple attending person and have my tent pitched toward the temple (as the people of King Benjamin did in the Book of Mormon during his address), even if I can’t attend on a regular basis.

Mosiah 2:5-65 And it came to pass that when they came up to the temple, they pitched their tents round about, every man according to his family, consisting of his wife, and his sons, and his daughters, and their sons, and their daughters, from the eldest down to the youngest, every family being separate one from another.
6 And they pitched their tents round about the temple, every man having his tent with the door thereof towards the temple, that thereby they might remain in their tents and hear the words which king Benjamin should speak unto them;

Psalm 138:2 I will worship toward thy holy temple, and praise thy name for thy lovingkindness and for thy truth: for thou hast magnified thy word above all thy name.

There are lots of reasons, beyond physical distance, that someone might not be able to attend the temple, some of which I may encounter in the future, so it’s good to be prepared with alternatives at all times. Here, in no particular, are some that I and others I have talked to have come up with:

Family History
Instead of spending a couple of hours in the temple each month (or however often you prefer to attend), work on your family or personal history, especially if you can prepare other names for temple work.

Visit the grounds
If you can get to a temple, but can’t go inside for whatever reason, you can still spend time on or near the grounds to feel the spirit of the place. If the nearest temple is being built or refurbished, it might be nice to watch its progress.

Temple Tourism
With so many temples all over the world today (at press time - 157 operating (with 2 closed for renovation), 12 under construction, and 13 announced but not yet under construction), there is a high likelihood that there may be a temple nearby if you are traveling for work or for fun. So, with a little effort, it may be possible to attend the temple (or just visit the grounds) while you are away from home. Already having this in mind has given me the chance to attend 17 temples thus far and visit the grounds of a few more. This will be how we attend the temple at any point in the next two years.

Seoul, South Korea - We didn't have time to go inside, but we did visit the grounds!

Temple prayer roll

Anyone, member of the church or not, can call any operating temple in the world to add a name of someone close to them to the temple prayer roll and enlist the faith and prayers of those in attendance to help whatever challenge that person is facing. Names remain on the prayer roll for two weeks.

Temple recommend
Maintaining a membership in good standing that allows you to carry your “good Mormon card” and be worthy to attend the temple helps you to build your testimony, maintain your faith, and continually align your will with God’s.

Temple art
Having photographs or other art work hanging in your home can help you visualize your goal of future attendance and remind you of past experiences in the temple. As Eilonwy’s daughter reminded us - the temple is light. Eilonwy added that this is why go so often - so that we can bring some of that light home with us. Our homes can be an extension of the temple if we cultivate them that way and allow the Spirit to be present. From where I’m sitting while I type this, I can see four pieces of temple artwork to remind our family of this, and we have at least three more in other parts of the house.

Logan, Utah and Washington, D.C. - the first two temples that are "ours" for me and Blake - Where we were sealed and the temple we attended the most together. I'd like to get one of Tokyo now.

Truthfully, these are things we should be doing even if we can attend the temple as frequently as we might like, but I’m planning to redouble my efforts in at least some of these areas over the next couple of years. For example, instead of attending the temple this Friday, I want to finally get started on indexing. I doubt I’ll immediately be as productive at indexing as my grandmother, who indexes at least two batches a day, but I can start!

The temple is important to me, but keeping the covenants I’ve made there is more important. Hopefully, I’ll be able to do the things listed above and more and continue to be the kind of person I feel that God wants me to be!

For more on LDS temples - click here.

I am what I wear (my strongest suit)

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

Based solely on my observation, it seems that the Japanese people tend to dress very situationally appropriate. They consider the activity, the weather, and their commute (among other things) into putting together their daily ensemble, more so than I really see in the States. The Japanese are very practical in a lot of ways, and this is one of them. For example, there aren’t a lot of women wearing stilettos whilst waiting for a train, and, if it’s sunny, they protect their skin with hats and long, lightweight sleeves. If they are into a particular hobby, like biking or hiking, they definitely dress the part as if it’s a uniform. I’m sure there are exceptions to all of this, but in daily life in the suburbs I see a lot of practical, situationally appropriate dress.

I have tried to adopt that more than I already did into my own clothing and lifestyle. I wear good footwear, whether or not it really matches, and I’m building a weather appropriate wardrobe so that I can comfortably commute on foot in the summer as well as the winter. Not being able to quickly go from air conditioned/heated car to air conditioned/heated building and back means I have to be prepared to spend a lot more time in the elements. I also am very mindful of what I’ll be doing that day, and wear clothing appropriate to that activity. This particular habit is not new, but if I’m not wearing the right clothes, I have to haul them on my back, and I choose to minimize how much I’m carrying around if possible. So, I choose outfits that will work for all my activities as best I can and potentially only carry small changes (shoes, top, etc.) if necessary. 

Today’s situation was that I would be attending the first two hours (out of three) of church, and then we would duck out and walk a few blocks to a local community center where I would be performing with my taiko club. So, contrary to our church’s culture (not doctrine), I wore pants to church. 

I wasn’t trying to make a statement, I was just trying to be comfortable, practical, and situationally appropriate. The pants are black, wide-legged dress pants that, paired with a nice cardigan and shirt, still made me feel like I was wearing my “Sunday best”. Then, at the community center, I switched my cardigan for my taiko club shirt and the pants were perfect for the freedom of movement I needed to play in this performance and match my taiko mates. 

I’m not trying to justify my choice to those who saw me today and might be reading this blog. Like I said, I wasn’t trying to make a statement and I certainly wasn’t trying to draw attention to myself. Due to the wide-legged nature of these pants, unless you’re really paying attention, you might not even realize it wasn’t a skirt. Instead, I’m taking this an opportunity to continue to ponder how I worship and what my Sunday activities mean to me. When I was in Mormon Choir of Washington DC, I left a lot of church meetings early to attend a concert, and today’s activity was really not so different. The content of the music today was less obviously about Jesus, but in the larger sense of playing beautiful folk music and building a community, I think it still counts.

I actually don’t really care what anyone who saw me in pants thought about my choice, nor did I feel particularly self-conscious. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus want me to attend my church meetings, but they care less about what I wear and more that I come to worship, learn, and serve. I do think that “Sunday best” is a good goal, as it shows respect for Heavenly Father as well as the people around me and myself. For me, that usually means a skirt or dress, but sometimes that means pants. For Blake, that usually means a full suit with jacket and a tie, but sometimes that means his Navy uniform. In the ward he attended in Rhode Island during training, I went with him once and saw some sailors in PT gear (the Navy exercise uniform of shorts and a t-shirt), but they were there, and that’s really what mattered. 

I’ve heard stories, as recently as this week, of someone wearing the “wrong thing” to church and someone else trying to say something to them about it and having it go horribly wrong immediately. I think Heavenly Father would much prefer we just love people we see at our church meetings and everywhere else, and be glad that they have come, and not worry as much about what they are wearing. Presenting ourselves in the best and most appropriate way in our dress also suggests we should present ourselves in the best and most appropriate in our behavior and judging others for their different choices does not do that. I didn’t feel judged today, but I wouldn’t want anyone who attended with me to feel judged either, and choosing to wear pants today gave me an opportunity to reflect on a lot of the whys and hows of attending my Sunday meetings, particularly for myself. Even after attending the same church regularly for more than three decades, it’s good to occasionally reflect on my personal applications of the gospel, even just because I did something as simple as wearing pants. 

I've been thinking about you

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

With so much tragedy in the world today, both man-made and acts of God, it's hard to know what you can do to help or change anything. When big tragedies happen, there are frequently opportunities to help by donating time or money to the cause. But, sometimes, because you are nowhere near the tragedy and those affected or don't the time or money to help, the most you can do is offer "thoughts and prayers". Unfortunately, saying "my thoughts and prayers are with you" has become somewhat of a joke, if not entirely misunderstood. Those who don't understand "thoughts and prayers" can be frustrated by its seeming lack of conviction and it can be confused for not doing anything at all. I would like to offer that it is actually doing a lot of good and explain why.

As a religious person who prays as well as donates both time and money charitably, people shouldn't presume we only rely on "thoughts and prayers" to fix what is wrong in the world. Conversely, those of us who pray should not assume those who more visibly contribute time and money don't also meditate or practice some form of mindfulness. Trying to prove who makes more of a contribution to the world is, however, ridiculous. Even though some people can't see a tangible benefit to "thoughts and prayers" doesn't mean those of us who offer them don't. 

Most importantly, "thoughts and prayers" can help give us direction on who to help and how. It's those same thoughts and prayers and mindfulness that help people think of someone to send an applicable job posting to or a funny meme based on something they like.  It's the friends who ask if I need dog food at Costco when they go because I don't have a car and that's a tricky errand on the train. If they never think and/or pray about me, they wouldn't necessarily be inspired to do those things. I personally find it most helpful to pray and do something tangible. With limited time and resources and, therefore, the inability to help everyone, having some guidance on where and how we can help us feel good about what we can actually contribute and that we've made a difference to someone.

Recently, I experienced a medical emergency while Blake was away on assignment. As someone who received promises of thoughts and prayers during that time, I can tell you that at the very least, I appreciated being thought of and that people were taking time out of their days even just to send me a text to ask how I was. It helped me know who I could call when I did need something, especially before Blake was able to come home. I also appreciated people who brought us meals, drove me to the doctor, and the people who stayed with me in the hospital or at home. It was all at least some contribution to my emotional and physical well-being and I'm grateful for it all.

(And now, since you're probably wondering, I'm recovered and Blake got home soon afterwards.)

At least to me, thoughts and prayers are actually a good and meaningful offering, especially backed up with actions, however small they may be

Also helpful? Cute puppies to snuggle when you're home resting.

I spent time at a friend's house on main base in between doctor's appointments one day. They weren't home and Blake was running errands, but Yuri was on duty.

Apparently Yuri isn't usually a snuggler, so his attention was especially sweet.