With a pink carnation and a pickup truck

Some random Monday thoughts:

The only two meals I ate today were from McDonald's. Gross, I know. But I was running late to work (this is fairly typical) and the only thing on the way to work is Mickey D's. Lunch was a pumpkin scone from Starbucks (which could have been a lot better, though I'm not sure how) Then, tonight, I finally had a break wherein I could make something quick, but nothing I had would be quick to make, except cereal and that's boring. The only thing particularly fast and close to my house is McDonald's. I might have figured out how bulimics get their start. At least I let Alvin and the Chipmunks eat my fries. Anyone want to go grocery shopping for me?

This ad.



I lose weight AND my skin color? What a weird product.

Finally, this is my 200th post. Hooray!

Well I know that you're in love with him

A guy I knew in high school recently posted on his blog asking how he should know that the girls he takes out on dates are interested in him. I was going to respond in the comments, but just decided to answer his question here.

It's a good question to be sure. How DOES a guy I'm out with know I'm interested in him? Here's a few things I know I consciously do to try to send that message.

Pre-date - Many of the following things apply to whether or not I like you before, during, or after the date. However, some things I may say before even going out with you should indicate that I'm interested in doing so. "Have you seen/done/been to _________ ? It looks interesting. We should go/I've been wanting to go." Translation: I'd love to go on a date with you and if you pick that activity, the date is planned! "Are you going to be at ward activity/mutual friend's party/etc.?" Translation: I hope to see you there. Also, while I am a very busy person, not every minute of every day is totally packed, and if I really want to see you, I'll arrange my schedule thusly and make every effort do so.

Open Body Position - If I'm sitting down, my legs are almost always crossed, but if my arms are not folded and instead are lightly placed on my lap - I'm into you. I may even try to point my body in your direction. If we're standing or walking, the closer I am to you, the more into you I am. I may even so much as switch my purse to the side you aren't on, so that my hand is available for you to hold. I once spent an entire date with my arms crossed as we strolled around the National Mall. I was NOT into him at all.

Eye Contact - I definitely try to make as much eye contact with someone I like as possible. I won't stare you down, but I will make you my primary focus. If I don't look at you at all, that's a sign.

Conversation - I'm a talker. I like to talk. Would I have a blog if I didn't? We've all been on dates where the conversation is dying or worse, already dead. Uncomfortable silences are just that, so even if I'm not into a guy I'll try to revive the conversation of few times. If I stop even trying, that's a bad sign. The more I'm talking/listening, the more I like you. This is especially true if I take something you said, relate to myself and then relate it back to you or ask you more about it; I'm trying to learn more about you. If I ask your opinion, I really am interested in what you have to say. Also, the more personal information I give you, the more open I am to letting you into my life. I'm not going spill everything immediately, but the more I tell you, the more I trust you. If we're not on a date and I start a conversation with you, that's a good sign.

On my date on Friday night, I broke the cardinal sin about talking about politics on a first date, and asked him what he thought about the recent election. He had voted for a different guy for president than I had, and not knowing what I had done, he shared his fairly strong feelings about why. When he was done, I told him who I had voted for, and he apologized for going off on the guy. I truly didn't mind because I really enjoyed learning about why my date felt the way he did.

Physical contact - If I touch you, whether that's by putting my hand on your arm, shoulder, knee, etc. (you know, tasteful), that's a good sign. If I shy away from physical contact you initiate, that's not so good. I'm not one to make the first big move - the first time we hold hands, the first kiss, etc. - but by initiating light touches and maintaining an open body position, I'm trying to show you that I'm open to the idea. The more I do it, the better.

Post-date - If I had a good time, I will say so. I will say thank you, regardless, because I'm polite, but if I say "We should do this again", I mean it. If you say it and I say something like "Oh definitely" or "Absolutely" then I mean it. If during a future conversation I say things like what's above in the pre-date section, I'm interested in another date. If I reference our date in front of other people, like "Was that what you were talking about on Friday?" or "Oh! He and I just saw that! We really liked it, right?" it means I'm don't mind that people know I went on a date with you. If I don't say or do any of that, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not going to, it just means that it didn't fit the conversation or whatever. No matter what, the more time I am willing to spend with you, the more I like you.

None of these things mean I suddenly want to marry you and have lots of babies, just that I'm interested in you enough to get to know you and go on a date with you [again]. Whether or not I like you will be manifested by some combination of the things above. If they are not all present, it doesn't necessarily mean anything, nor is this list all-inclusive and there may be things I do that I've forgotten about or do subconsciously. I'm an honest person, sometimes to a fault, and I try to make it fairly clear how I feel about someone. I only ask that you return the favor. I tend to back off fairly quickly if there is no reciprocation, but if I'm responding to your advances in any of the above manners, you can be fairly sure that I like you.

Remember that I can only speak for myself. I feel it's a fairly general response, but other girls may have different methods or responses.

So, I hope this helps Kurt and any other single male readers I may have. At this moment I am hesitating in posting, simply because it's a post that's going to leave me feeling very vulnerable. Still, I think it needs to be said, because this dating game doesn't need to be any harder than it already is.

I saw you dancin' in the gym

Browsing the interwebs this evening, I came across an interesting "Would You Rather?"

Would you rather dance or sing in front of people on demand?

My immediate reaction was "Either! I love both and do both in front of people on a regular basis! What a silly question."

Then I thought about it some more and came to the conclusion that if someone came up to me and required that I either dance or sing right then and there, that I would rather sing.

Both, to me, are often expressions of emotion and what I choose to sing or how I choose to dance in any given moment is often related to how I am currently feeling. To do either requires me to open up to my audience, whether it be of one person or thousands, and I am often not comfortable just suddenly bursting into song or dance for fear of being judged, critiqued, or even ridiculed. I am confident in my ability to do both, but humble enough to realize that it's not going to be perfect every time, especially without warming up or practicing.

When singing, however, I am singing someone else's words and either applying them to me personally or a character I am trying to create. It's not entirely my own and, thus, there is still a wall between my audience and my raw emotion. I can create the emotional connection, but I didn't create the words that I am singing, and am therefore somewhat removed from the final product.

Dancing isn't quite that way. When dancing on command, I'm creating it as I go. I can often still recall dances and pieces I've done in the past, but if I were do dance on command, I would create something entirely my own, and it would likely reflect exactly how I'm feeling in that moment. The tempo, the movement, the space, and even the style I choose, would all be coming from my heart, whether I want them to or not. To suddenly do more than just a step or two for someone would require me to completely open up and let go of any inhibitions that may be holding me back. Also, while I've been dancing my entire life, I am not as confident in my dancing as I am in my singing.

Overall, I feel very vulnerable doing either, but I would be more comfortable singing on demand than dancing. That said, if my choreography session yesterday is any indication, I am actually a pretty darn good dancer and choreographer and I ought to give myself more credit. And you should come see my next show.

I admire most

I have my favorite numbers too. My favorite number is 47 - the number of letters in the longest word in the English language. It also combines two of my favorite digits 4 and 7. 5 is also one of my favorite digits.

Why do you ask?

These are my favorite numbers to write.





I like the sharp corners and straight lines. 5 isn't all straight, but it does have corners. It's also another reason that I like Z so much. I've been crossing my z's since Algebra II, when I didn't want to confuse the Zs in my equations with 2s.


These are things that keep me sane in my solitude.

Made me shiver

Recently, I have been pondering the alphabet, and I have come to a conclusion.

B is my least favorite letter.

There are several words that I really don't like. blurb, lube, bulbous, blubber, blob, bob, bet, etc. My all time least favorite word ever is like bob, but has two Os in the middle and often ends with an S. I won't type it here because 1) I really don't like it and 2)I could get some very interesting hits here if I did.

What do all of these words have in common? The letter B. I just don't like the way it sounds.

To be fair, there are a lot of words I like with the letter B. Book, babe, banana, and so on. Even some of my favorite Spanish verbs have lots of Bs. Trabajaba. Hablaba. It's not like could live without that letter, but I don't have to like.

And as much as I love this Dr. Demento song, with the fun words and how they all end up sounding together, the B words make cringe. A little.

On the other hand I think my favorite letter is Z. Zany, Zanzibar, zebra, zoo, Zach. I once planned to name all my kids with Z names, but have since gone back to just having one Z name for a future daughter.

So, Z, welcome to the party. B? Thanks, but no thanks.

I went down to the sacred store

Or library. Whatever. :) I spent a few hours behind the scenes in the Library of Congress today. IT WAS AWESOME. The first hour was in the Music department and I was geeking out the. whole time. I saw the original Rhapsody in Blue and who knows what else.


We also saw some historical newspapers and learned about their general acquisitions and cataloging processes. It was lovely.

More pictures here!

Miss American Pie

I generally don't get out of bed until at least 8 AM, so 6:55 this AM was quite early for me. (Especially since I didn't get to sleep until after 1 AM sometime.) I threw on a hoodie, jeans, and flip-flops (sorry Fran), stuck my frizzy hair in a ponytail, and was off to the nearby high school to vote.

The Spy and The General (my roommates) were already there in line, towards the front, and I texted them to say that we should have planned this better. Little did I know that five minutes from that time they were saying how glad they were that they didn't coordinate with me because the line for their last names were much shorter than mine.

I found the end of the line, scrolled through my iPod trying to find music to fit my half-asleep/ready to vote mood, and settled on listening to Il Divo whilst reading Sidney Poitier's autobiography for the next hour.

I was sleepy, but very excited. This is a historical election, no matter the outcome, and I was part of it. I didn't care that I looked out of place among the well-dressed businesspeople around me. I'm a very tired grad student, and I definitely looked the part.

When the time came to cast my vote, I did just that. I don't care to discuss for whom, or why, but I've done my part.



Did you?

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I went straight back home, showered, and actually got ready for my day. Should be a good one.

My hands were clenched in fists of rage

This morning, one of my big projects of the year was due. I actually finished most of my part a few weeks ago and once I got some more information, finished another part on Friday afternoon. As people came to library to help pack all the music and get it organized by school, we discovered I needed to re-do Friday's project AND that I'd forgotten to prepare about 18% of the music.

AWESOME. [/sarcasm]

Between running late, re-doing stuff, the copy machine acting up, and running around like a crazy person, I almost lost it this morning. Everyone was really chill about it, but that's because their hard part was about to start. My hard part was coming to a close until April and I had been working on this, and a similar project, for about two months. I was crazy stressed.

Luckily, it all worked out. I managed to bite my tongue and not say anything, because who would I say anything to? Myself? I was the one that messed up. I did that a little bit, but everyone reminded me that it was okay and they jumped to help me out.

The afternoon was a lot more quiet. I cleaned up after the flurry of the morning's activity and wrapped what I need to do with this project for now.

Then it was time for my piano lesson. I've been taking lessons since March or April at least, and I realized that even with the switch in teachers, I don't have a single piece performance ready. There's an event I want to play for in two weeks, and even the piece I've been dabbling at for four years isn't ready to go. (My transitions and a couple passages need a lot of work.)

My lesson is only thirty minutes, and we never get very far with the stop and start method, I asked her just to listen to the piece and take notes on what I need to do in the next two weeks. I got about half through the piece when I paused and she stopped me.

She explained generally what I needed to be aware of (knowing what sounds/shapes I'm playing) and then chose to go back to the first page of the piece (which I can play with my eyes closed) and illustrate her point.

I was frustrated almost to the point of tears. She's been trying to get this concept across to me the whole time I've been with her (since July) and while it's making more and more sense, she's not teaching it in a way that I retain the information very well. We're not going through a theory or lesson book together and what we talk about this week may not be the same piece we work on next week. Sometimes I'll be playing something and she'll stop me, we'll talk about it and work on it, and then she'll say "Hey, what about this piece?" and I'll sight-read (poorly, usually) it and we'll work on that. I never get more than 2 or 3 pages into a piece with her. So, when I have something I want to work on and perfect in a short time, I thought I made it clear that I had specific passages I was concerned about and we should have worked on them, not the two pages that I feel totally confident on.

More importantly, I should say something. Again. And make it clear that I have specific concerns. I am paying her for her services after all. I am an adult and I need to stand up for myself and what I want. I ended up being mad at her and myself by the end of the short, short lesson.

At least the day ended on a positive note. I'm actually understanding PHP in my programming class, I got to play Guitar Hero World Tour for two hours, and then I Skyped with my parents and then my sister for about almost half an hour each. My sister even made me have the best laughing fit I've had in ages.

I'm glad I'm not going to bed cranky, but I certainly spent most of the day that way.

Them good old boys

Today in Sunday School, we ended the lesson by thinking about that which we wanted most in life. The point was that we could pray for these things and enlist God's help. I don't always go rifling through the scriptures for a blank side of a paper, but I found myself doing just that and considering the things I wanted most. I pondered them off and on for the next few hours.

Tonight, at the CES fireside, Bishop H. David Burton's message was about what we were going to make of our lives and what manner of people we were to be. He offered examples of people who showed at an early age the type of person they were to become when they grew older. Naturally, I was considering these things and applying to my own life. Who was I and what was I going to become? What really mattered? I started comparing my list from Sunday School to the things I wanted to be and tried to figure out they intersect.

Then Bishop Burton made a very interesting point, that those who have goals and ambition are likely to become the type of person their Heavenly Father wanted them to be. I immediately felt reassured that I was on the right track. I have goals and I most certainly have ambition, and I felt in that moment that Heavenly Father approved of the things I am doing and where I am headed in my life.

We often worry what other people think of us. Do my parents approve? Am I pleasing my boss? What do my friends really think? And so on. However, the most important opinions are those of Heavenly Father and myself, and right now, I think we're both happy about me. It's a nice feeling.

The other thought that struck me during the talk was this:

Intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings. -- Salvador Dali

I consider myself an intelligent person, and paired with ambition, it sounds like I, and many people I know, are a forced to be reckoned with. That's an excellent thought to start the week with.

Something touched me

My favorite, well, only, Australian reader, Chosha, suggested the song I will be pulling this month's blog titles from. 10,000 sparkles to you!

It's late, and I'm barely getting this under the wire as it is, so here's a recap of my good news for the day.

• Sleeping in.
  
• Understanding a very detailed lecture from my professor about how to do a programming assignment and actually getting ahead of her as I worked on the project. Still missing a bracket or semi-colon somewhere though.
• Finding out the assignment wasn't due until Wednesday instead of tomorrow.
• Dr. Pepper
• Going to the Halloween party I go to every year, but not going solo this time. I convinced a a friend to throw together a costume and come with me.
• Having people finally GET my costume. I was NOT a princess, thank you very much.
• Hugs.
  
• Seeing a perfectly dressed Jareth, who was impressed I knew his character's name. It. Was. Awesome.
• Whilst my friend and I were talking in the street after getting back to her house (where my car was), a taxi slowed down as he drove past and complimented us on our dresses. HI-larious, but nice.
• These little gems.
  

It was a great day. I need more excuses to wear these boots, which I am still wearing, even if I took the dress off as soon as I got home.