Tuesday, July 3, 2012

And I will try to fix you

My house (I live in the basement apartment, my landlady lives in the main house above me) got a new AC unit today. As I'm, ahem, working from home for the next hopefully not for very long, I got to observe the maintenance men in their unnatural habitat - someone else's apartment.

Here are the rules of their job that I was previously unaware of:

  1. Start work before the tenant (that's me) is even up for the day. 
  2. Don't open her bedroom door, so she sleeps peacefully as you work.
  3. Creep her out by making her keenly aware that there were people in her apartment while she was sleeping and she had no idea.
  4. Prevent her from showering all day. Or even using the facilities in peace, even if she locks the bathroom door.
  5. Make very little noise, so she only perceives your presence in the apartment, but doesn't actually sense it.
  6. Make her very aware of her single person habits, like eating chips and reading a book while laying on the couch, not because you're going to come into that room, but because you might and if you do, you will judge her.
  7. Don't wear deodorant. Eau de Maintenance Man is the best scent ever.
  8. When you leave, don't tell her. She'll feel unnerved long after you're gone.
  9. Leave a bigger mess than you found, including soaked towels of unknown origins.
  10. This was actually left on my bucket of laundry detergent, but I moved it for my landlady to deal with. I'm nice like that.
    Really? You couldn't just flip this back over and move it 12 inches?
  11. Fix the AC.
  12. Only ask to use her bathroom the first time, but leave the toilet seat up every time.

Clearly, I didn't get a chance to vote on these rules.

1 comment:

Giggles said...

I feel your pain. I wish you a short stay in apartment-dom.