Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My hands were clenched in fists of rage

This morning, one of my big projects of the year was due. I actually finished most of my part a few weeks ago and once I got some more information, finished another part on Friday afternoon. As people came to library to help pack all the music and get it organized by school, we discovered I needed to re-do Friday's project AND that I'd forgotten to prepare about 18% of the music.

AWESOME. [/sarcasm]

Between running late, re-doing stuff, the copy machine acting up, and running around like a crazy person, I almost lost it this morning. Everyone was really chill about it, but that's because their hard part was about to start. My hard part was coming to a close until April and I had been working on this, and a similar project, for about two months. I was crazy stressed.

Luckily, it all worked out. I managed to bite my tongue and not say anything, because who would I say anything to? Myself? I was the one that messed up. I did that a little bit, but everyone reminded me that it was okay and they jumped to help me out.

The afternoon was a lot more quiet. I cleaned up after the flurry of the morning's activity and wrapped what I need to do with this project for now.

Then it was time for my piano lesson. I've been taking lessons since March or April at least, and I realized that even with the switch in teachers, I don't have a single piece performance ready. There's an event I want to play for in two weeks, and even the piece I've been dabbling at for four years isn't ready to go. (My transitions and a couple passages need a lot of work.)

My lesson is only thirty minutes, and we never get very far with the stop and start method, I asked her just to listen to the piece and take notes on what I need to do in the next two weeks. I got about half through the piece when I paused and she stopped me.

She explained generally what I needed to be aware of (knowing what sounds/shapes I'm playing) and then chose to go back to the first page of the piece (which I can play with my eyes closed) and illustrate her point.

I was frustrated almost to the point of tears. She's been trying to get this concept across to me the whole time I've been with her (since July) and while it's making more and more sense, she's not teaching it in a way that I retain the information very well. We're not going through a theory or lesson book together and what we talk about this week may not be the same piece we work on next week. Sometimes I'll be playing something and she'll stop me, we'll talk about it and work on it, and then she'll say "Hey, what about this piece?" and I'll sight-read (poorly, usually) it and we'll work on that. I never get more than 2 or 3 pages into a piece with her. So, when I have something I want to work on and perfect in a short time, I thought I made it clear that I had specific passages I was concerned about and we should have worked on them, not the two pages that I feel totally confident on.

More importantly, I should say something. Again. And make it clear that I have specific concerns. I am paying her for her services after all. I am an adult and I need to stand up for myself and what I want. I ended up being mad at her and myself by the end of the short, short lesson.

At least the day ended on a positive note. I'm actually understanding PHP in my programming class, I got to play Guitar Hero World Tour for two hours, and then I Skyped with my parents and then my sister for about almost half an hour each. My sister even made me have the best laughing fit I've had in ages.

I'm glad I'm not going to bed cranky, but I certainly spent most of the day that way.


Giggles said...

I'm so sorry you had a bad day.

Eat some chocolate.

AmandaStretch said...

Thanks. I actually don't feel like I should consider it a bad day, just a frustrating one. The things that absolutely needed to be accomplished were and I think I'll be able to apply my piano lesson to the difficult passages.

All the same, there will be chocolate consumption. :)

Giggles said...

Yeah for chocolate consumption!