Nothing was different, but nothing would ever be the same

I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormons. When possible on Sundays, I discuss some things related to my faith and what I believe. With respect to your own beliefs, I hope this gives you a chance to get to know me and my religion a little better. For previous installments, click here.

Last week I spoke of loss, largely of parental loss, and that I believe in life before and after this one. This is the story of the most profound loss I have yet experienced in my own life.

I confirmed that I was pregnant late on a Wednesday afternoon in late August 2017, about ten minutes before Blake was due to be home for the day. I was fairly confident, based on certain symptoms that I now know for sure are my personal early pregnancy signs, but a quick home test and I knew. I'd been antsy about it all day, but I didn't want to know too much sooner than he did. When he got home, I gave him a super cute little "Made in Japan" onesie I'd rather hopefully commissioned a few weeks or months prior and we were both very excited. We got hospital confirmation by Friday of that week.

We told family that weekend, because Blake would be leaving soon for another temporary assignment and we wanted the familial support during that time. We told a few local friends and Blake's chain of command for the same reason. And because we just couldn't contain the happy news for long!

As is often the case with the Navy, Blake's assignment changed. He was supposed to be flying out to the carrier, the USS REAGAN, but instead he was tasked to help with the USS MCCAIN investigation down in Singapore and left right after Labor Day, with an undetermined return date. I didn't get to visit him, because of Zika, but I had my first prenatal appointment and busied myself with good things, as I do while he's away.

Three weeks later, Blake came home for 19 hours! Hooray! He got home Saturday night and was gone again by late Sunday afternoon, this time definitely for the Reagan with another undetermined return date. We'd been looking forward to him getting some experience at sea, and he was stoked about landing on an aircraft carrier!

Taken during the short window we got to be together

Malcolm tries to remind Blake to take him too by laying in the middle of his re-packing

I was feeling a little ill the Sunday afternoon he was home. I'd been having some mild spotting almost daily for the previous month, but everything I read indicated it wasn't anything to worry about, so I was trying not to. By Monday morning, just before he was supposed to take off on his flight to the ship, the spotting and the feeling ill had increased, but OB said not to worry yet but to keep an eye on it. So, I told Blake to get on his flight and we'd be okay.

Naturally, I worried and kept close eye on things all day. I was taking a pottery class on base on Monday evenings, so I headed down. I was running late, and our dear friend (and Blake's immediate report in his chain of command) was leaving work late, which is unlike both of us, but it gave us a chance to run into each other and to talk. I think we were supposed to run into each other. I told her what was going on and she said that if anything more happened, anytime, to call her. I promised I would.

Pottery class was an hour long. OB had said that if bleeding increased enough to soak a pad in an hour to go immediately to the ER. I checked right after class and, sure enough, it was time to go. It was a blessing that I was already on main base, where the hospital was, and my instructor was kind enough to drive me to the hospital while I called Kate and stayed with me until Kate could arrive. I also called my upstairs neighbor, Jen, to update her and asked her to check in on Malcolm for me.

The ER wasn't very busy that night, so I was taken straight back. The next few hours was a lot of waiting, exams, tests, and worry. It couldn't be confirmed immediately that I was miscarrying, but I was told the baby was measuring small for the 9 weeks and 6 days they should have been and we were also checking that it wasn't ectopic or anything else.

Somewhere in that, Blake finally messaged me to let me know that he was safely on the ship and had started getting settled in. I had to respond that I was in the ER. He found a phone on the ship and called me immediately. I updated him as much as I could. He started offering to see if he could get back off the ship and home and I was about to tell him "No, you're already there, I'll be fine.", but I was taken to an ultrasound in the radiology department before I got a chance. I laid alone, scared, and crying while the tech, who had been called in from home, silently did their job. By the time I got back, maybe 30 minutes later, Kate had updated our commanding officer (CO) and Blake had updated his chain on the ship and the commands had already decided, without Blake asking, to send him home as soon as possible. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be until next day, but it would ultimately be better than either of us being alone. We talked a couple more times throughout the evening and the doctor came by during at least one phone call so they were able talk too.

Somewhere in the 9pm hour, I finally called Summer (who I do the school musicals and many other things with) to let her know that I wouldn't be at rehearsal the next day and why. She immediately offered words of comfort and asked if I would like her to send Ben to give me a blessing. We believe that through the power of the priesthood, blessings can be given for illness and comfort and through our faith we can be healed, if that is the will of Heavenly Father. It can be hard to ask for help, of any kind, but after running to Kate as I had earlier and the pottery instructor offering to drive and this offer of a blessing, I was getting practice in taking people up on things as fast as I could. I knew I couldn't do it alone. Ben recruited another man from church to help and arrived about 20-30 minutes later. Kate, a woman of faith in her own way, had also prayed for and with me while we were waiting.

Finally, around 11pm, I was discharged. We still didn't know for sure yet, but it was most likely that I was experiencing a miscarriage. I was told to keep an eye on the pain (which had started setting in while in the ER) and the bleeding and sent home. Our CO, who lived very close to the hospital, had offered his car to Kate, since neither of us had one, so she could drive me home. I called my parents and Blake's to let them know what was happening. I also had to call Jen again, the aforementioned upstairs neighbor, because I was completely out of toilet paper. I had planned to pick some up on my home, if things had gone according to plan.

Eventually, I got to bed and woke up feeling sad and scared on Tuesday morning. I was still bleeding some and the pain was mild, and my outlook was not good. I walked Malcolm and probably tried to eat breakfast and go about my day. But, by late morning, the pain came on so suddenly and so intensely that I was vomiting and shaking on the bathroom floor. I called Jen again and asked for a ride back to the ER. When I was waiting for Jen by the front door of our building, I saw another friend from church and told her what was happening.

I later identified that the pain was probably labor pains, which my body was not ready for. It came in waves every several minutes and was the most intense and painful I could ever remember. Jen helped me breathe and work through them until I was able to get some medication. There were more tests and exams and finally the official confirmation - my HCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels were 50% what they were the day before. I was, in fact, having a miscarriage. Once again, Blake called to tell me that he in was back in Japan and awaiting a flight back home, and I had to, once again, tell him I was in the ER. I also told Kate at some point that I was back in the hospital and when she tried to check on me and I didn't respond right away, she came over from her office in the building next door and relieved Jen. Eventually, and I can't remember how she found out - probably related the church friend I'd seen earlier, my friend Crystal came shortly after I was discharged and waiting at the pharmacy and relieved Kate.

This time, Crystal took me home. We stopped for a smoothie (because I was hungry but had no energy or desire to actually eat), which she kindly went in for while I hid in the car. Once we got home, I took Malcolm out and then Crystal and I both took up residence on the couch. We talked a little, but mostly just watched The Great British Baking Show while I laid down. Crystal admitted it was probably the most tv she'd watched in years, but I was grateful for her company. At some point, I actually heated up some dinner for both of us because I was feeling up to it and because it was easier than trying to tell her where everything was.

Eventually, Crystal started falling asleep on the couch. By this time, Jen had picked up Blake from the airport so I knew I'd only be alone for an hour or so, and sent Crystal home.

Blake was given the rest of the week to be with me as much as needed. He had to do a little work stuff here and there, but mostly we were just able to be together. Wednesday morning, the fetal tissue passed. Thursday, we got a ride from yet another friend back to the base so I could some follow up lab work and see the OB. It was supposed to be my 10 week appointment, but instead to it was to make sure everything was progressing as it should in a different kind of way so I wouldn't have to have a d&c. We had a couple hours to wait in between the lab and the OB, so while Blake ran errands like groceries, I rested at a friend's apartment, even though they weren't home. Their cat took care of me instead, which I referenced vaguely last year. 

Throughout the week, we had a few visitors, meals were dropped off, and many people called or texted to check in. Because Blake was gone to the ship and then suddenly back and then there were all the people we had already drawn on for assistance, so we knew we weren't going to be able to not tell people, and we really didn't mind that word was getting around. It was easier than telling people ourselves. I can't say that I'm ever happy to talk to about it, but I'm comfortable talking about it and willing to, when the time is right.

Saturday we went out to a light movie on base, just to get out of the house. But on Sunday, I wasn't up to the social and fellowshipping part of church. I did, however, really want to partake of the Sacrament (much like communion, but with bread and water instead of wafers and wine), which we believe is a renewal of our baptismal covenants and chance to realign ourselves with God's will every week. I also knew I was in great need of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which we believe covers all struggles and ailments - not just sin and death. So, we showed up to church just as services started, stayed until the Sacrament had been passed, and then quietly left.

Monday, Blake went back to work and I went back to rehearsal and we tried to get back to normal life. Except, like the song lyric that I chose for this post, nothing was different, but nothing would ever be the same. It was the most intense grieving process I have ever experienced, and I was retrospectively sad for all the friends and family I've had who have had a similar loss. It's not a club you fully understand until you do. I felt broken and devastated and lost. And, admittedly, I sometimes felt relieved. I was (and still am) terrified about being a parent. Even though I was (and still am) mostly excited about the prospect, I was also okay with waiting a little longer, but then I'd feel guilty about that. It's an incredible roller coaster of emotions and a cycle I've been dealing with ever since.

Eventually, we did mostly get back to normal. There were probably even some days I didn't think about the loss at all, but most days it at least crossed my mind. And, as most people know, just over a year later, we are having better success this time around and have officially been told that the chance of miscarriage in this pregnancy is less than 1%.

I don't know why this baby didn't get to stay with us, and I don't know for sure what will happen in regards to this specific loss in the future. We have beliefs and doctrine about what happens to children after they are born, but nothing specific about before. Just hope, and I can live with that.

If you've ever experienced this kind of loss, you are not alone. I am here and we can talk, or not talk, or whatever you need. 20-25% of pregnancies end in loss, so it's a much bigger club than any of us would ever hope. Our generation is much better talking about it than those before us, but it's still not easy, nor will it ever be. I know I'm changed forever because of this, but I am grateful for the family, friends, and especially Blake, Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ who made sure I didn't have to do this alone. 

'Cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

For as long as I think anyone can remember, my grandmother made pecan rolls for her family and friends at Christmas time. They are delicious treats with a nougat center and caramel with pecans on the outside. It's a very involved, all day process, but she did it every year (except when she and Grandpa were serving a mission for our church) without fail. Every year, my family would get a package of them with one pecan roll for each of us. We'd put them in the freezer and once every other month or so, we'd get one out, thaw it, and we'd each get a piece or two. Once I didn't live at home, I'd get mine in the mail. I'd freeze it, thaw it sometime during the year and eat it over a few days. After Blake joined the family, she would send us two every Christmas. I have no idea how many she would make every year, especially as her own family grew in addition to all the friends who would receive them, but it was many. So many.

A couple of years ago, she finally announced that she would be unable to continue the tradition. It was too much prolonged standing for her, and we all understood. My mom and sister helped that last year so that they would get more practice making them on their own, and Blake and I each got one more pecan roll in the mail.

We finally thawed one of them today. They tend to hide in the freezer, plus I've wanted to save them, but it was time. It was as delicious as ever. We saved a few pieces for tomorrow, and we still have one more in the freezer for one more time.

I need to learn how to make them. I'm sure they will never be as good as Grandma's, but it doesn't mean I can't try! 

When you think about Seuss!

My last semester of college, I was in the BYU Young Company production of Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse. The Young Company is a Theatre for Young Audiences production group that has an initial run on the BYU campus and then tours to local elementary schools for the rest of the semester. I loved being part of it and it was a great capstone to my time in college.

My friend Summer was also part of this group. I think we'd had a few other classes together over our time at BYU, as she was a Theatre Education major and I'd started as one (though ultimately dropped the Education half). After Lilly's, I graduated, Summer left on her mission for the church, and we lost touch.

Until, fascinatingly, I found out we were moving to Japan. She had moved here several years ago with her husband, a teacher at the high school on base, and her kids. A mutual friend who knew that helped us reconnect once Blake and I announced our move! Immediately, she suggested that I'd be able to help with the Drama Club she and her husband (who is also the bishop of our ward/congregation) run at the high school.

So, this spring, about one year after we reconnected, I helped the high school mount a production of Seussical, Jr.! Summer directed, her husband (Ben) produced, and I choreographed - something they could do, but don't feel super confident in doing.

We all had a great time working together and I am already looking forward to our next production this fall!

I like to think we might be wishing on the same bright star!

Military separations are hard.

We had it a lot easier than some, to be sure, but it's still pretty lame having to live hundreds of miles away from your spouse for months at a time. I do not envy the spouses who face deployments to areas of conflict, with spotty internet or phone connections, and for way longer than Blake and I have been apart, but we may have to face such a separation at some point.

Blake reported to Naval Justice School (essentially military law school) in Rhode Island at the beginning of August. He stayed in the Navy Gateway Inns & Suites, a hotel on base, in his own suite with a kitchenette, so his accommodations could have been a lot worse.

I stayed home in Virginia. Lots of families do actually move to Rhode Island together, but since we knew it was only for ten weeks, I had a life in DC (hobbies, projects, friends, etc.), and my own apartment with a dog instead of a hotel with none of these things (except maybe the dog), we decided it was best if we lived apart for awhile.

Ultimately, it was right decision. There was still plenty to do to get ready for Japan, and we still got to talk everyday. We even had little dates where we'd would play a game online or cue up the same thing on Netflix and watch together, then call and talk about it.

I spent my time sorting through things at home, running around getting my medical records in order so I could be approved to go to Japan (a hassle I will probably not write about, as there were tears and frustrations and fears I wouldn't be able to get it done in time, but it all worked out), playing with Malcolm, and watching way too much West Wing.

We went to a few end of season doggy day swims at local pools and water parks.

Malcolm loves his sunny spots, even if it means sleeping on the coffee table.

20+ years of playbills and programs from theatrical productions I've seen or participated in, organized chronologically.

I also took a long day trip to visit the Philadelphia temple open house. It was beautiful!

I did spend some good time with friends. For example, Jill, a friend from BYU who I reconnected with in DC - after we both became librarians and before we married our wonderful husbands who also get along swimmingly, and I attended the BYU-West Virginia game at FedEx Field in DC. I'd known about that game for a few years, so I was thrilled to not have moved away before it happened. Malcolm and I made a little day trip of it, and he loved running around their backyard with their kids while Jill and I were gone.

I also had some houseguests. Nicole and Lauren came to visit for a quick weekend from New  York - Nicole and I met while we both lived in DC and Lauren had never been before. The Heisses also spent several days with me, becoming my bookend houseguests, as they were the first we hosted (before Blake lived there) and the last (while Blake was gone). They've met Blake, but, under the circumstances, it's possible they could believe I was just making him up. You can read about their/our adventures here, and I also just realized I have my own hashtag on their blog!

Zoe was unsure about Malcolm for awhile, but they ultimately got along just fine.

Of course I took them to Sugar Shack.

One of my favorite weekends was the one where I drove up to Rhode Island to spend time with Blake. We had hoped to do that more than we did, but time and circumstances didn't work out that way. It was still nice to have a few days to explore Newport and chill with my best friend.

Being impressed into the British Navy during a reenactment happening around Newport

I'd had a Blue Apron trial, so I brought up one of my meals and we got to cook together again.

Toured the inside of The Breakers this time

Wouldn't mind this view at all.

Next week, I'll talk about the two biggest projects of my last few months in DC and I'll finally start talking about Japan! Thank you for your patience!

Lend me your comb it's time to go home

Blake looks really good with a beard.

Of course, he looks really good without a beard. And he looks really good with the scruff in between. In short, I think my husband is really handsome no matter what.

But I really like his beard.

When we were first dating, I could actually tell what day it was by how much scruff Blake had. He'd shave only on Sundays, so his growth pattern was pretty regular. I could even look at a photo and say "Ah, yes, that must have been a Thursday."

Then in his second year of law school, Blake discovered wet shaving with a double-edge razor and fell in love. He wanted a new, inexpensive hobby and he felt the need to shave more regularly to look professional, so shaving became his thing. He even wrote a blog about the different blades and soaps and things he would use.

He ultimately loved shaving so much that he literally wrote the book on the subject.

Okay, maybe not THE book, but A book, and it's one of two (that I know of) dedicated (in whole or part) to me, so that's pretty cool.

Still, I missed his beard. At least once or twice he'd take a break from shaving for a few weeks, and I'd get to see it, but it wasn't a regular thing.

So we made a deal. If he got accepted by JAG and really had to start shaving everyday for the next several years, he'd grow me a JAG beard.

So, once he'd commissioned and we finished our Christmas road trip, he stopped shaving for a few months.

The last day of the beard

Sadly, as many things do, it had to come to an end and a few days before he reported for ODS, he shaved it all off. Of course, I miss it sometimes, but he has a pretty cool job and we live in a pretty cool place, so the trade off was worth it.

In New York, you can be a new man

Blake and I knew that December 2015 was going to be insane. We had a very quiet Thanksgiving to prepare for that, and I'm quite glad.

The first Friday in December, Blake and I threw our congregation's Christmas party. We were asked in October to head that up, and we accepted. Our goal was to keep it super simple, since it was just us, so we made it a chili cook off. Main course - done. We had more than enough participants, the missionaries judged, and it was a hit. For decorations, we had families bring in a nativity for the center of the tables, which we'd covered in butcher paper and crayons. On one side of the gym, we had a snowflake station - people were invited to cut out a snowflake from a coffee filter and then write a favorite Christmas tradition or memory on it before hanging it on the wall. For a take home party favor, we had a station to put together a Christmas potpourri bag with citrus and spices that you boil in water on the stove for delicious fragrances. And yes, it was make your own, since Blake and I didn't have time to make 50 them ourselves, but that was a hit too. For dessert, we bought ten dozen donuts from that local donut shop that we love that does daily freebies. So good. We also had a Santa and a photo booth, which was saved by our bishop's wife who noticed the spelling error in the banner before the party.

Thanks to everyone who brought something, everyone who helped set up the night before or take down after, and everyone who came to the thing, it was a great, low key success.

Then, starting Saturday morning, I drove to and from Baltimore every day for three days for librarian training from the International Baccalaureate, of which my school is a part. It was a lot of driving, but it was a really good training. On Saturday, I made it back in time to see at least the last part of a Christmas boat parade with Blake. Sunday I made it back to take Malcolm to a friend's house for a few days and then decorate our apartment for Christmas, as is traditionally done on the first Sunday in December in our family.

Only ten ornaments on the tree this year - we had to simplify somewhere

Monday, Blake came with me to my last day in Baltimore and hung out in the hotel for a few hours so that we could drive to New York City that afternoon. My dad was going to be there for work for 24 hours and he casually mentioned how fun it would be to see us. Fortunately for him, I had already scheduled to take that Tuesday off work, so why not?

We all made it to Dad's hotel around the same time, a swanky place in Chelsea, and, PS, I drove in and out of Manhattan and survived. The valet parked our car, we settled in for a minute, and then started our adventure! Dad had a hankering for a New York hot dog, so we schlepped up to my favorite hot dog place - Gray's Papaya - for dinner. We had taken the subway up, but we walked back so that we could enjoy the sights of New York at night during Christmas time. We showed Dad the Manhattan LDS temple and I showed both of them the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.

Rockefeller Center tree!

Everyone says you should look up in New York to see the architecture. Sometimes you should look down too.

 While we were there, we met a retired NBA player and his wife, whose name we have now forgotten, but he played for the Phoenix Suns. However, our more exciting celebrity sighting on this trip was the Target dog, Bullseye, who was staying the same hotel as we were and we saw her twice. We never got a picture with her, but we should have.

After our stroll, Dad had a reception to attend, so Blake and I scoped out Chelsea Market for breakfast options and treated ourselves to gelato, before meeting back up at the hotel to hang out for the rest of the night. As much as I have appreciate staying with friends in New Jersey and Brooklyn on various NYC trips, it's really nice to have a hotel in Manhattan to crash in, which I hadn't done since a previous NYC business trip with Dad during college. Thanks Dad and the companies you work with!

Dream Hotel NYC

Tuesday morning, we all had breakfast at Chelsea Market before saying goodbye to Dad on his way to his meetings. Blake and I headed down to Battery Park for a cruise to visit the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, which Blake had never visited.

Ellis Island

We also made stops at the Charging Bull at Wall Street and paid our respects to Alexander Hamilton at Trinity Church.

For lunch, we went to a pizza place, Picasso Pizza, where I had a slice with pasta on it. Can't eat like that everyday, but it was fun to try! Not wanting to spend much money, but having plenty of time on our hands, we walked up the island along the Hudson River Greenway. It was a lovely day and we like walks.

Mormons represent!

We hoped to see the musical Hamilton that evening, but the only possible way to get tickets right now is through the Ham4Ham lottery - front row tickets for a Hamilton ($10). We both tossed our name in, but it was not to be this time. So, we called it a night, walked back to our hotel and started the long drive home. 24 hours in NYC isn't much, but we had a great time.

Not done with adventures yet, on Wednesday morning we got back in the car to drive to Richmond, Virginia, so that Blake could swear into the Virginia Bar Association. He's now a fully licensed lawyer and member of the bar! So proud of him and all of his hard work.

Everyone swore in at once

On our way back home, we got word that we'd be driving to and from Virginia Beach that upcoming Monday, which I'll blog about at some future time. For this trip, Blake and I drove back north, went to dinner, and then picked up Malcolm. The friend he stayed with has four other dogs, so it's possible Malcolm has more fun there than at our house. He's still happy to see us when we pick him up.

And that's how Blake and I put 2,000 miles on our car in two weeks. Stay tuned for how we got to 8,000 by the end of the month!

Each life that touches ours for good

Since last week I talked about Malcolm, this week, and for my final NaBloPoMo post, I'll talk about the rest of my family pets over the years.

Caramel - I got Caramel the hamster for my third birthday. I don't know how long he was with us, but he was fun while he was around. I enjoyed letting him run around in his little hamster ball. I'm sure I wasn't the best hamster owner and my parents did a lot, but I liked him. Sadly, he got into some rat poison at some point and we had to part ways. We buried him behind the house. I tried digging for him once. It's probably for the best it didn't work. 

A series of goldfish - At some point, maybe I was around 9?, we kids each got a goldfish. Mine was Crystal Light, after the goldfish in the Babysitter's Club Little Sister books, and eventually I had Crystal Light the Second. Goldfish are not the most interactive pets, but I liked mine. I had Frank in my late teens, but I was terrible at taking care of him, especially remembering to clean his bowl. He lived for a lot longer than I anticipated, but my family still forgot to tell me for awhile when he died while I was on study abroad in London. 

Logan - I've talked about Logan before. We got him as a puppy when I was 13 and he passed away when I was 29. He was a wonderful dog. Sometimes I feel guilty when I call Malcolm the best or cutest or feel like I'm spending more time with Malcolm than I did with Logan, but then I decide that as long as I'm referring to best or cutest living dog, it's okay. As for spending time? We do our best and that's what counts.

Betta fish - Blake and I have had two betta fish since we got married - Mortimer and Captain Jack (Harkness, not Sparrow). They each lived with us for about 6 months and they were pretty to look at. We had Malcolm by the time Captain Jack left us, so that's probably it for us and fish for awhile. Anyone need a betta tank?

Mortimer

I enjoy having a variety of pets, though the more interactive the better. I think I've done a pretty good job of my animal stewardship in this life. I hope they would say the same!

Cause it's gonna be hot! in that big boiling pot

Clearly, crafting is not a priority right now and I'm at peace with that. However! I still find time to make really tasty food. We have to eat after all, and it might as well be good. Some of the things we've made lately are slow cooker pulled pork, egg salad (dill makes this amazing),  and cracked wheat muffins.

Last Saturday, Blake and I made lemony lobster risotto with dill and Parmesan and it was SO good. We had a gift code from PeachDish.com for a free date night meal kit, so all the ingredients were shipped to us in a refrigerated box, all measured out and ready to go. They also sent the recipe so that we could make it again once we acquire the right ingredients. Blake and I teamed up in the kitchen and the results were amazing. It's fun to cook together.

At least one night each weekend, we like to make pizza. We've decided that on most weekends, Blake needs to stay home and study one of the nights, so that night we make homemade pizza so it's still something to look forward to. We bought a pizza stone with some wedding money a couple of years ago and we definitely make use of it.

This pizza was made using canned dough, but we make our own now.

And sometimes our plans go awry. One Sunday, back in February, we came home from church to a home without power, so the beef stroganoff in the crock pot was not ready. Luckily, we had some cold cereal on hand (not a usual occurrence) and decided to eat it by lamplight. The power came back on during my second bite, but Blake got up, turned off the lights, and we finished eating in the mostly dark, just because we could.

I had a banana too. Blake does not like bananas.

I'm looking forward to making a delicious Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I toasted some homemade bread this evening that Blake made a week or so ago so that we'll be ready to start our preparations with slow cooker stuffing!

Any good meals at your house lately?

I said hey, what's going on?

Just found this draft from September 2014, so let's review and then update!

Tomorrow I officially start my second year as a school librarian. Technically, I've been back for a few weeks, but the students will be joining us tomorrow. I'm much more ready this time around, but I still have my work cut out for me. It's helpful that the director of the school stopped by my office earlier this week to tell me how great of a job I'm doing!

See yesterday's post for how that's going.

Blake started his last year of school this week. Graduation is May 17, 2015! He's taking four classes, interning with the TSA, and is a dean's fellow this semester. In his spare time, he's already applying for Big Lawyer Jobs.

Blake did indeed graduate from law school on May 17, 2015! My parents, maternal grandparents, an aunt and uncle, his parents, and maternal grandmother all came to celebrate with us and it was wonderful. Blake and I orchestrated a fantastic itinerary for their trip and we all had a great time! It would have been nice if they called the right name at his graduation, but at least the right name is on his diploma. He also took and passed the Virginia bar exam! We're still waiting on the Big Lawyer Job to come through, but he's finishing up his Masters in the meantime.

My apologies to Blake for not making this event a post of its own yet. It certainly deserves one! I'm so proud of this guy.

Malcolm has been enjoying a lot of walks and trips to the dog park. I did a 100-mile walking challenge this month and he was my constant companion, though Blake joined us often. Our grand total this month was 104.7 miles. His favorite destination is the dog park, which is 4 miles round trip.

Because of the success of August 2014's 100-mile challenge, I decided to walk 1,000 miles in 2015. As of yesterday I am at 892.4!

Relatedly, I already need new walking shoes. And let's not discuss how many pairs of pants and shorts I've had to replace because of the increase in walking since Mal's adoption.

I am HARD on my walking shoes. I'm on the third pair since this draft and I could probably use another new pair. I could also use a new pair of snow pants, because I wore mine out on walks with Malcolm during a very frigid winter last year.

I think that covers at least a few of the major happiness from the last year!

Our house, in the middle of our street

When I was 12, I started training during the summer a junior interpreter at the McFaddin-Ward House in Beaumont, TX. It was built in 1905-1906 in the Beaux Arts Colonial style by a prominent local family who lived there for 70 years. You can learn more about the history here.

I don't remember how I found this opportunity, but I'm sure I had to apply and be selected. They picked probably ten applicants a summer. I was excited about it because I'd been to many events and field trips at the house before and, well, I'm kind of a nerd.

The first summer, I focused on learning the grounds and carriage house. There were a couple of 200 year old oak trees and a beautiful rose garden. The carriage house is where the staff would live, in addition to storing the cars and carriages.

The second summer, I got to start learning the house itself. The family didn't make many changes to it after the 1950s, and they were incredible record keepers, so we actually know a great deal about their lives and how the house was set up and used. There are several original furnishings and decorations and most of the house is open for touring.

Training consisted of memorizing facts about each of the areas, sections, and rooms, as well general information about how to be a tour guide. We also went on several field trips to other historical homes in the surrounding area to see how they did things.

Ultimately, I didn't give a lot of tours. The school year always got busy and passing the house tour coincided with my first reconstructive foot surgery, so I was, literally, not on my feet for a while. Giving house tours on three floors, with stairs, on crutches was not easy. I think I gave at least one grounds tour though. We also moved away shortly after my recovery.

In the end, it was a really interesting experience. I love local history anywhere I travel, so to be part of preserving and sharing it was an honor. I look forward to going back one day to visit again!

Photo courtesy of the McFaddin-Ward House website

Happy birthday to you!

First things first, it is not my birthday! This is just a post reminiscing about birthdays.

Growing up, birthdays were always celebrated, but only on odd-numbered birthdays did we have friend parties. The rest, we had family only celebrations - usually dinner and cake and ice cream and singing, and presents of course. Certain birthdays also meant certain life milestones. Here's how I remember my birthdays.

1 - I don't remember this one, but there's some cute photo and video evidence of me in a paper princess hat eating cake.

2 - What do you expect me to remember? I was 2, and my parents had another newborn. Not as many photos and made up memories.

3 - My first memories are of my 3rd birthday - we had some friends over and a circus theme. We made playdoh animals and put them under strawberry basket cages. We had a circus parade. My aunt painted our faces. I received a mini-trampoline, a hamster I named Caramel, and a blue fuzzy elephant puppet. Likely, many of my memories have been supplemented/created by photos.

4 - No specific memories.

5 - Same.

6 - I got my first bike! Well, my family knew by then that we were moving to Texas in a few weeks, so I got a coupon for a bike! The bike we bought after the move.

7 - Would have been a friend party, but I don't remember it.

8 - I got baptized! My grandparents gave me my first set of scriptures.

9 - Pool party!

10 - Nothing specific.

11 -  Another friend party year.

12 - I got to start Young Womens! That's the female youth (12-18) program at church.

13 - I got to start wearing makeup! So, my birthday party was a Mary Kay party. Immediately after, I went with my friend Leslie to her house and jumped into the pool. Didn't remember that I was wearing makeup until after that first jump.

14 - It was either this birthday or the previous Christmas I was promised a bedroom door, instead of just the open walkway/laundry between my room and my sister's. This never happened, because we moved to Utah in August. My bedroom there had two doors! One to the basement, and the other to my actual room. I actually had a door in the room in the Texas house, but it was to the front of the house. I think the section of the house our bedrooms were in was actually a converted garage and they ran a daycare out of it, so the front door in my bedroom was, for the previous owners,the daycare door. You had to go through Sisterpants' room to get to the backyard, and I had to go through her room to get to the rest of the house. This doesn't have anything to do with birthdays anymore . . .

15 - Second co-ed birthday party! My 3rd birthday was co-ed too, but the rest were not, as I recall. I remember playing games and hanging out in the front yard and a little drama happening when my ex-not-my-boyfriend showed up with some mutual friends.

16 - I went on my first date that night! We went to the school dance - I asked him. It wasn't an official date dance and he went to another school, but it was still officially my first date. I didn't get my driver's license until August, since I had to take driver's ed in the summer and then learn how to drive a manual first.

17 - I went to see Pearl Harbor with a couple of friends.

18 - For as big a birthday as 18 is, this one was kept pretty low-key. I think my soon-to-be-boyfriend (we made official in August) was involved in the family celebration though.

22! My last birthday in Utah!

How did your family celebrate birthdays?

Hold me closer, tiny dancer

I started taking dance classes when I was 6. We had just moved to Texas and Mom started me in ballet classes at Bonnie Cokinos School of Dance. This place still exists and I wouldn't be surprised to discover if Miss Bonnie is in her 80s now. 

I absolutely loved it. I walked around on tiptoe outside of class (though I still remember a classmate at school, who also danced at the studio, calling me out on it once) and probably danced all over the apartment. I know I struggled with turnout and my flat feet were not ideal, but I did my best every week. My first recital was to Mistress Mary, Quite Contrary - we wore little green and white tutus and had feather dusters.

Two years later, I started in the Royal Academy of Dance curriculum, which was taught in the other room of the dance studio, in addition to my regular studio ballet classes. It was only RAD class members who could be involved in the annual February production of Cinderella. Each class/level had a specific part, and I moved up for the next few years from firefly to flower girl. It was a wonderful production and I loved being part of it every year!

By around age 10 and 11, most of my classmates got start en pointe. Sadly, my terrible flat feet and bad ankles prohibited me from joining them and so I stayed at the pre-pointe class level until the end of 5th grade. I danced in Cinderella and a summer recital one more time and then decided to end my ballet career just before my sister, who was four years younger than me, was due to end up in the same level I was in.

Luckily, when I started 6th grade, my middle school offered a jazz dance class/club after school once a week. I jumped right into that and, of course, loved it. It wasn't offered in 7th grade, alas, and 8th grade is when I took a year off to have my reconstructive foot surgeries.

Just before 9th grade, we moved back to Utah. This time, I joined the after school ballroom dance class/club. I'd done some swing dancing at youth conference over the summer, so this was a great discovery! I also quite enjoyed that my not-my-boyfriend did the class with me. Unfortunately, it was our failure at the spring swing dance competition at BYU that was a contributing factor in our not-a-relationship's demise.

I didn't dance in 10th grade, but in 11th grade I discovered modern/lyrical/contemporary as offered as an elective. I'd enrolled in Dance 1, but I knew immediately that was going to bore me, so I transferred to Dance 2/3. We dabbled in a few styles, but it was the contemporary dance I remembered loving the most. When some classes I tried to take senior year didn't work out, I enrolled in Dance 2/3 again. Each semester we had a dance concert in conjunction with all the school's dance and drill teams and ballroom classes. At school dances, I practiced my ballroom skills, which was easy since so many of my friends also did ballroom.

College was where I really started exploring - I took as many dance classes as I could - folk, jazz, tap, clogging, and, especially, modern. I never did any of the dance teams, but I spent many happy hours in a dance studio. Since I graduated in three years and worked my way through school, I was really busy with all the academic stuff, so dance was my fun thing.

After college, I joined a dance company in Salt Lake City - mainly modern/contemporary, but they convinced me to at least try the hip hop company as well. I wasn't too terrible.

Throughout all of this, I was also heavily involved in community and school theatre. Having studied so many dance styles has really come in handy, since a stage musical could draw from just about anything depending on the music. It's also helped as a choreographer for musicals, which I first did (outside of class choreography assignments) in college and have done again as recently as a year ago. And I have so many pairs of dance shoes now!

Since moving to DC, I've taken a variety of dance classes including modern, hip hop, and even Bollywood. I've gone out swing dancing and blues dancing regularly. Right now, I'm taking tap for the first time in more than 10 years, at the convincing of a friend I've known since freshman year of college. By golly, I am rusty, but I'm having fun and mostly keeping up!

I plan to keep dancing as long as my body will let me!

Previous discussions of my dancing career can be found here.

Totally insane-y, Citizen Kane-y, Animaniacs!

As of a few weeks ago, Saturday morning cartoons have become a thing of the past. I haven't watched in years, but when I'd last checked in on the lineup, I wasn't very impressed. The cartoons running at that time, whatever they were, were no match for those of my childhood - Garfield and Friends, Smurfs, Darkwing Duck, Bobby's World, Bugs Bunny & Tweety, Rescue Rangers, Land of the Lost, Saved by the Bell, City High, and so on. We didn't have cable, so we watched whatever was on ABC, CBS, or NBC, or in our collection of videos - a few classic Disney cartoons, some other random things. Sometimes we'd rent Animaniacs on VHS, and Blake I and currently working our way through the series again thanks to Amazon Prime.

Luckily, I'm an adult now and I can pretty much watch what I want when I want, schedule permitting. As a kid, not so, and I was okay with that. TV time was a privilege, not a right. If Mom or Dad said so, we could watch, but only if we asked.

Except for Saturday mornings. On Saturday mornings, we could get up as early as we liked, turn on the TV, and watch cartoons until and sometimes after Mom got up and made pancakes. We didn't have to ask permission on those days.

And yet, every Saturday morning, I'd wake up, go to my parents' room, wake up my Mom, and ask if I could watch cartoons. Every Saturday morning she would say yes, remind me that I didn't need to ask permission on Saturdays, and off I'd go. At some point, it started becoming my job to mix up the pancake batter and so added asking my half asleep mother for the recipe, which she had memorized. Again. It wasn't until sometime in the last few years I finally put that recipe somewhere I would remember.

I'm glad my mother loves me, even if I woke her up early every Saturday morning. Saturday morning cartoons were such an enjoyable part of my childhood memories that to celebrate my 22nd birthday, I got some cartoons on DVD, bought a bunch of cereal, milk, and cheap bowls (which I still have), and invited friends over on a Saturday morning.

I lived with roommates then, so I didn't have to ask my mom for permission.

Just grab a friend and take a ride together upon the open road

Once I finished my Great and Final Purge of my old room, I had approximately seven boxes, one doll cradle, and one very large and heavy cedar chest. These things don't easily go on planes, which was the perfect excuse for Blake and I to take an epic road trip across the country. When we individually moved to DC, we both did it as quickly as we could. The quick way involves three days of driving stopping only for food, gas, and sleep and very little sightseeing. Since Brotherface accompanied me on my trip, he drove most of the time while I slept in the car. A lot. It was good quality time with my brother, but not the most interesting trip.

This time, Blake and I wanted to do it differently. Instead of three days, we took seven, giving us a lot more time to see and do more of the cool things there are in this beautiful country. We already love a good road trip and this is always going to be one of our favorites. We didn't even have time for a full week for our honeymoon (darn you, Christmas!), so this was divine.

Here we go!

Confession: The only time I drove was from the car rental office back to my parents' house. Blake drove the entire trip. I kept offering, but he really enjoys driving. And I like taking naps in cars. I also enjoy navigating, making sandwiches at 70 mph, and kicking my feet up on the dash.

It was during one of the aforementioned naps on our first day of driving that Blake woke me up and announced we were stopping. Driving a stretch of relatively unexciting Wyoming highway, Blake saw a sign for Martin's Cove, an important site in Mormon pioneer history. Sadly, hiking to the actual cove would have involved a 5 mile hike, which we didn't have time for, but we did tour the visitor's center. It's also where Devil's Gate is located, which any Oregon Trail player should recognize. And down the road about 15 minutes later? Independence Rock.

What a lot of Wyoming looks like

Devil's Gate

Reconstructed sites near Martin's Cove

Reconstructed sites near Martin's Cove

Independence Rock

Rock Paper Scissors in Gillette, WY

No idea what this is, but it's cool

Not a bad way to kick off our trip! More to come soon!