Saturday, June 27, 2009

If No One Ever Marries Me

Strange day yesterday. Some newscaster last night mentioned that for many of us, Michael Jackson provided a soundtrack for our lives. And, for me, it's true. At least in part. I had my first slow dance to a Michael Jackson song - You Are Not Alone in 1995, with Captain Deviance. And while his last few years were nothing short of strange, his talent will be missed.

And speaking of strange, I once again bring you Strange Things Found in the Library, the lyrics version.

The Computor
music by Robert M. Boberg
words by Jeanne Westerdale
1970

Once a small, little, bald, little scientist
Gave his computor a long, long list.
A list of problems fifty miles long.
And then he burst into this song.

CHORUS:
With the minimum persuasion it can solve a long equation
It can add an "X" to zero which will prophesy a hero.
By an intricate connection it determines an election,
It can launch a guided missile while you stand around and whistle.

First it started very slowly as he turned his back;
It added the numbers with a clickety clack.
Then it subtracted while he winked his eye,
And soon began to multiply!

CHORUS

Then it rattled and it blinked and it flip-flopped fast,
Gobbled up the questions that he had asked.
And then it choked on the hundredth thousandth question.
And groaned with numerical indigestion, indigestion!

CHORUS 2X

(fast) With the
(quite slow) With the
(very slow and detached) With the

tongue click with a drop of the head

Rock on, little computor.

This is my favorite though.

If No One Ever Marries Me
Poem by Laurence Alma Tadema
Music by Harry Simeone
1961

If no one ever marries me,
If no one ever marries me,
I'm a little old maid,
If no one ever marries me.

If no one ever marries me,
And I don't see why they should,
For Nurse says I'm not pretty,
And I'm seldom very good.
If no one ever marries me,
I shan't mind very much.
I'll buy a squirrel in a cage
And a little rabbit hutch.

If no one ever marries me,
If no one ever marries me,
I'm a little old maid,
If no one ever marries me.

I'll have a cottage near a wood,
And a pony all my own,
A little lamb quite clean and tame,
And a pussy cat mine alone.
And when I'm really getting old,
At twenty-eight or nine,
I'll buy a little orphan girl
And bring her up as mine.

If no one ever marries me,
If no one ever marries me,
I'm a little old maid,
If no one ever marries me.

Well, now I know what I have to look forward to!

Also, I finally joined Twitter - follow me!

5 comments:

chosha said...

Every reference to extended singledom includes a cat. :)

Of course, if I do become an aging spinster I will certainly have a cat, so I can't even say they're wrong.

Heidi said...

You do know that I am going to learn how to spin, and not just because it's funny that I'll be an official spinster...

Also, I KNEW I should have asked for an orphan girl for my 29th birthday! Dang it!

dot said...

Found in the pages of a 1903 Punch Magazine:

"IF NO ONE EVER MARRIES ME "

(By a Bachelor. With apologies.)

"If no one ever marries me—
And they don't seem very keen,
For I can't pretend I 'm handsome,
And my purse is rather lean—

If no one ever marries me,
I '11 get along all right— I- shall play at golf the whole day through,
And at Bridge the livelong night.

I shall have a little sailing yacht,
And a motor all my own,
And I shan't be plagued with children's bills
For things that they 've outgrown.

And when I 'm sick of everything,
And dull as dull can be,
I shall think how glad I 've made some girl
Who didn't marry me."

AmandaStretch said...

Dot - Fantastic!! Thanks for sharing!

L said...

Hi,

I am interest in the song the you mention:

If No One Ever Marries Me
Poem by Laurence Alma Tadema
Music by Harry Simeone
1961

I used to know the poem as a child, which I had shared with a friend at the time. Twenty yrs. later the friend is about to get married & I wanted to share it at her wedding.

I know Natalie Merchant has a version, but wanted to compare it with the one you mention....

Thanks!