Some days, without any warning, I start to doubt my ability in some aspect of my life. Because I have gobs of time to myself and plenty of time to think, I start overthinking it. Before I know, I've started doubting everything about myself.
Today is one of those days. Overthinking a conversation from a couple of days ago, I started doubting my ability to ever find a mate. Then I started doubting my ability to keep real friends or even be a real friend. Thinking about my future, I started doubting my librarian skills, and my academic skills. I feel like I know nothing about anything and, should I leave my current position, who in the world would ever hire me, marry me, or be my friend? I doubt my ability to focus, to keep a clean house, to ever get on top of to do list, to even finish the paper that's due tomorrow. Inexplicably, I have no confidence in regards to anything.
I know I'm wrong. I absolutely know that I'm just making this up, that I am, in fact, amazing and that I'm just a lot stressed and a little bit lonely.
This post isn't a cry for help. I'm not hoping to be flooded with comments saying "You're awesome!! Don't worry!" Of course, those are welcome, but what I really need to do is focus. Focus on one problem at a time. At work, I need to focus on cataloging. When I'm driving, I should focus on driving. At dance, I need to focus on perfecting the movements. Once I get home tonight, I need to focus on finishing that paper.
I shouldn't worry about whether things are going to pan out with someone if there is nothing I can do about it. I shouldn't even worry about how much of a mess my room is right now, because I don't have time to do anything about it yet. I will, but that day is not today.
When it comes to relationships, I can choose not to worry and do what I can. If that's text a friend and invite them to something, great! If they choose not to answer or accept, someone else will. If nobody does, I'll find another way to maximize my free time.
Easier said than done, of course, but I do know that when my head is really in the game at hand, I don't worry about anything else until it's time to do so.
I hope to follow Mormon's counsel, above all:
Doubt not, but be believing, and begin as in times of old, and come unto the Lord with all your heart, and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling before him.
What do you do when you begin to doubt?