Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dream a little dream

I've been dreaming about work lately.

In the first dream, my library (the stacks) looked a lot like the BYU MAD Library, and I was the only one responsible for it, like in reality. The woman who we have helping me catalogue was there, but she had cancer and was wearing a scarf over her head. I don't remember any specifics, but there was, as usual, the overwhelming feeling that I'd never get it all done and was concerned for my colleague.

In the most recent dream, the library looked a little more like my library, but when my colleague came over to ask me a question, I took her into the stacks to find what we needed. To my surprise, the library was even more disorganized than I anticipated, with piles of videos and general music materials that I'd never seen before. I answered her question, but I was so distraught that this would keep happening - I'd keep finding things that needed cataloguing and never complete the automation project.

These feelings mirror that of my waking life. I'm getting to the point where there is a light at the end of the tunnel with this project, and I know that I WILL complete it. At the same time, I'm concerned that I won't. I'm concerned that it will never reach a place where I'm satisfied with my work and feel like I'm ready to brag about it.

I'll just keep going though. It's certainly helping me recognize how much I don't know about this field. It seems the more I learn, through running my library and through my grad work, the more I realize I don't know and still have to learn. I'm confident and not at the same time about what I'm able to do, and I'm the first to admit I have a long way to go.

Sadly, not everyone has that reaction. A lot of people feel like now that they've taken a few classes about a certain subject, they are the absolute expert. They begin to act like they are best ever, in everything. I probably had moments like this in undergrad, and still battle it on occasion.

2 Nephi 9:42

And whoso aknocketh, to him will he open; and the bwise, and the learned, and they that are rich, who are puffed up because of their clearning, and their dwisdom, and their riches—yea, they are they whom he despiseth; and save they shall cast these things away, and consider themselves efools before God, and come down in the depths of fhumility, he will not open unto them.

Since I can only change myself, I need to be the best I can be in my work and school and life, and recognize that there are others with invaluable insight and learning that can aid me along the way.

And soon, I'll have a library that's up to 21st century standards.

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