I Hope It Gives You Hell

In a perfect world, I'd be able to sleep from 2-3 AM to 10-11 AM everyday. I'd get my 8 hours, then have a productive and enjoyable 16 hours, and then do it all again.

But we don't live in a perfect world, and sometimes getting enough sleep during the week when I almost have to force myself to go to bed and get up at a time appropriate to my normal workday is a major challenge. A weeknight when I'm actually tired to enough to go to bed AND fall asleep before midnight is a blessing.

Last night was such a night. The night previous I was unable to sleep until 4 AM, for reasons my conscious brain is unaware of, so last night I was most assuredly out before midnight. I fell asleep reading and remember waking up and turning out my light at 12:07 AM.

I also left my phone on last night. I often do, as it's the only way people have of contacting me in an emergency, but I've recently taken to turning it off night so I'm not awakened by push notifications of my turn on Words With Friends or something equally trivial and make the most of what little sleep time I can get.

So, of course, last night, when I'm actually looking forward to a solid 8 hours of sleep, I leave my phone on, and Satan decides to call me at 2:38 AM.

No, really. Satan.

It went something like this.

unidentifiable sound wakes me up

Huh? Oh. That's my phone ringing.

Hello?

Recorded woman's voice: Dear Amanda, this is Satan’s receptionist calling you on behalf of Justin. Please hold for Satan…

crackling of fire and brimstone

Awha? What time is it anyway? Oh, I'm talking on my timepiece (fail to think about glasses and the clock across the room). 4ish, maybe? Guh.

Recorded male voice: Hello, this is Satan. Remember when you [something, something, something]? Nice work. I always say I wish more people were like you. You can ask anyone down here. I just wanted you to know there’s a special place in my dark heart for you and that I’m moving you to the front of the line.

See you next week, little buddy. Oops. Ignore that last part.

Goodbye.

Oh, and don't forget to watch the new show on TBS, "Neighbors From Hell". And, if you want to give me someone else's number, visit tbs.com.

maniacal laughter

What the? Did they say Justin gave them my number? What time IS it? 2:38!?!? GAH.

Then I lay there, fuming, and unable to go right back to sleep. I did, eventually, but was still mad and totally tired when my alarm went off. And, being the nice doormat that I am, I didn't call my brother and wake HIM up to ask him about it. Just waited until a normal time this afternoon.

Turns out that you CAN go to tbs.com and leave someone's number for Satan to call. Brotherface didn't realize it would automatically dial right that second until after he put in my number.

I have since decided that he is the only person who could give Satan my number at 2:38 AM and I wouldn't blacklist him for more than hour.

I will still get him back for this.